Belonging

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Rev. Michelle LaGrave
September 24, 2023
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong – somewhere, somehow, sometime in your life? Probably, if you’re like most people. What makes the difference in feeling like you do or do not belong? How can we help ourselves, each other, and people we haven’t even met yet cultivate that oh-so-important sense of belonging? And how does all of this relate to our Unitarian Universalist Principles?

Chalice Lighting

This is the flame we hold in our hearts as we strive for justice for everyone. This is the light we shine upon systems of oppression until they are no more. This is the warmth that we share with one another as our struggle becomes our salvation.

Call to Worship

Lifting Our Voices #36

We are all longing to go home to some place
we have never been – a place, half- remembered, and haIf-envisioned
we can only catch glimpses of from time to time.
Community.
Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion
without having the words catch in our throats.
Somewhere a circle of hands
will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power.
Community means strength
that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done.
Arms to hold us when we falter.
A circle of healing.
A circle of friends.
Someplace where we can be free.

– Starhawk

Affirming Our Mission

Together we nourish souls, transform lives, and do justice to build the Beloved Community.

Reading

YOU BELONG: A CALL FOR CONNECTION
by Sebene Selassie

“When you don’t like the joke, you belong. When you’re the “only one” of your race, disability, or sexuality, you belong. When you’re terrified to speak in public, you belong. When you feel hurt or when you have hurt someone else you belong. When you are down to your last dollars and the rent is due, you belong. When you feel overwhelmed by the horrors of human beings, you belong. When you have a debilitating illness, you belong. When everyone else is getting married, you belong. When you don’t know what you’re doing with your life, you belong. When the world feels like it’s falling apart, you belong. When you feel you don’t belong, you belong.”

Sermon

I remember well the moment I knew that I belonged in a UU congregation. I was in the meetinghouse, standing at the kitchen sink to wash my hands, when I saw this … a bottle of Seventh Generation dish soap. And then I saw that the paper towels were unbleached, brown, recycled paper towels.

This was many years ago, long before you could go to the regular grocery store and buy all sorts of cruelty-free, environmentally friendly, vegan much of anything. Instead, you had to go to a natural foods store or order what you wanted online. That meant that in many areas of my life, like at work, I felt different from most other people. I was a vegetarian, with vegan tendencies, and had been for many years. And most folk, even in the liberal areas, just … weren’t.

So, back to the sink. There I stood, looking at dish soap and paper towels, and a feeling overcame me that here were a people who would understand me, all of me. Here, I could be free. Here, I wouldn’t feel so different, so separate. I felt my body relax, as if I had been holding my breath and could finally breathe. A missing piece of the puzzle, that thing I had been longing for, without even knowing it, had been found. Here, I was at home. Here, I belonged.

If Sebene Selassie, the author of this morning’s reading, were here, I think she would tell me, tell all of us, that this experience of mine wasn’t really about finding a place I belonged, so much as it was about experiencing a feeling of belonging. Because I already belonged. I belong. And so do you. Selassie would say, and has said, that the key to belonging comes from within. We all already belong to everything – to ourselves, to each other, to the cosmos. That the feeling of not belonging comes from a “delusion of separation” – a false belief that we are separate. That if we don’t feel like we belong, we can learn to feel it, because belonging is wired within us. Feelings of belonging come from within.

Let’s sit with that for a moment. Everyone of you, whether you are here in person, or watching online, or watching on television, belongs. You already belong. Whether you feel it or not, and I hope you can, you belong.

Selassie, among other things, is a meditation teacher and a student of Buddhism. She explains it this way: There is a paradox in Buddhism called the Doctrine of Two Truths

“the absolute or ultimate truth of interconnection and the relative or conventional truth of difference. The absolute and the relative seem to contradict each other … but they describe only one reality. Belonging flourishes within this paradox: everything is connected, yet everything is experienced as separate.”

Within our own Unitarian Universalist tradition, we know this as “the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part”. We are interconnected. Interdependent. We cannot separate ourselves from the web of existence, from all of life here on earth, or from the cosmos itself.

Let me say more about this interdependent web of all existence and where it comes from. As a member congregation of the Unitarian Universalist Association of congregations, we have covenanted to affirm and promote several Principles. These are found within Article II of our UUA’s bylaws and, because of their importance, are printed many other places, including in the front of our gray hymnals.

The interdependent web is the 7th Principle. All Unitarian Universalists, all UU congregations, have covenanted to affirm and promote the interdependent web of all existence. This is not a belief statement, but an action statement. Though it may be helpful to understand that many of us have incorporated the Principles into our personal belief systems.

Now, bear with me for a moment, because here comes the part where we need to catch everybody up all together. As we are a non-creedal faith, we rely on covenant and because we are a living tradition, we require of ourselves to review our covenant and, therefore, our Principles, every so many years. We are currently in one of those review periods and so we are living, for a year, with a new format, based on shared values, which will then come up for a final vote in the General Assembly in June of 2024.

These are our (proposed) shared values. Love is at the center, along with a flaming chalice. The remaining six values are pictured in a circle around the chalice. Starting at 12:00, there is:

Interdependence, in a swirl of orange;
Equity, in a swirl of red;
Transformation, in a swirl of purple;
Pluralism, in a swirl of blue;
Generosity, in a swirl of teal.
Justice, in a swirl of yellow;

(The image and discussion of the proposed change can be found HERE.)

If you listen or read carefully, you will find the familiar language of all of our Principles reincorporated into these shared values. The proposed language, which goes with the value of Interdependence, is this:

“Interdependence. We honor the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. With humility and reverence, we covenant to protect Earth and all beings from exploitation, creating and nurturing sustainable relationships of repair, mutuality, and justice.”

We are interconnected, interdependent with all of existence. We cannot remove ourselves from it, therefore, we belong. By the very nature of our existence, we belong. We belong to the interdependent web, we belong to the earth, the rocks, the trees, the oceans, the mountains, the creeks and rivers, the forests, the deserts, the animals, the birds, the volcanos, the lands where we have never been. The parts we like and the parts we don’t. We belong to all of it. And we belong to each other. Whether we want to belong or not, whether we try to belong or not. We belong because we are. Whether we see it, or hear it, or feel it, or sense it, or experience it, or not – we belong because we are.

(Story about cafeteria table in seminary)

My friend belonged, but did not experience feelings of belonging, did not experience feeling welcomed at the table. No matter our intentions of radical welcome, no matter our efforts at radical welcome, no matter whether we were the cool kids or not. My friend perceived us as separate, as disconnected. Sometimes, the best laid plans simply go awry. And that’s okay. We learn something from it and then we try again.

Welcoming is the Soul Matters theme for this month for some of the small groups (chalice circles). So, I’ve been thinking a lot about welcoming and belonging, how they are similar and how they are different and where they overlap. To my mind, belonging is something that just is, whether we want it or not, and whether we can feel it or not. This is new thinking for me, to which I greatly credit Sebene Selassie after reading and reflecting deeply upon her work and how it converges with my own life and experiences.

Welcoming, on the other hand, is about actions we can take. We can practice welcoming. We can even practice Radical Welcoming. And these practices can, potentially, increase feelings of belonging in those we are welcoming. Here, this congregation practices welcoming in a lot of ways: there is a welcome table, there are name tags, cough drops, and Kleenex, there are gender neutral single stall bathrooms, there is a membership coordinator, there are classes about membership, there is a group that helps people connect to the various church ministry teams, there is a BIPOC group, there is an LGBTQ group, there are classes on antiracism and trans inclusion, and so, so much more.

I see welcoming, or radical welcoming, as actions we can choose to take, and which highlight the strands of the interdependent web of all existence. It is easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we are separate, disconnected, or don’t belong. It is easy to get busy with our lives and not notice the connections. the strands of the web, which are there all the time. Welcoming practices help ourselves and each other to see, or hear, or sense, or otherwise experience the strands of connection inherent in our interdependent web. It’s kind of like in one of those action movies where someone is trying to break into a high security area crisscrossed by invisible lasers. The would-be intruder, who is also often the heroic figure, pulls out a can of something, sprays it all around, and the laser beams suddenly become visible. I like to imagine engaging in welcoming practices as something like spraying that can. We can make the strands of the interdependent web, which connects all of us, and to which we all belong, visible by spraying that can. Just like spraying a room to find all the hidden laser beams, we welcome people to highlight the strands of belonging.

While speaking of belonging, and of welcoming, I want to highlight another important aspect of our living tradition. We are not a faith where anything goes, where you can believe anything you want, or do anything you want. Our beliefs and actions are all meant to be oriented toward the good, for the building of a better world, for the creation of beloved community. While people of all identities, or combination of identities, marginalized or privileged, are welcome here, not all behaviors are. This is why covenanting is so critical to our faith.

When we are at our best, we have good, strong, healthy boundaries. In this congregation, that means being a people of goodwill. And, by the way, the Healthy Relations Team is currently working on some proposed changes to the church covenant to make it more inclusive. If you’d like to participate in this process, go see them at their table at social hour.

All people of goodwill – Whoever you are, wherever you come from, wherever you find yourself on your life’s journey, whichever your pronouns, whether you’ve walked in or rolled in or dialed in, whomever you love, you are welcome here. You belong here.

May it be so evermore. Amen and Blessed Be.

Benediction

All know, that you are welcome here.
Know that you belong.
Know this deep down in the center of your soul:
Each and everyone of you belongs,
All the time, everywhere, to everyone, to everything. May the interdependent web shimmer and shine, hum and thrum,
for all your days and for all of your nights.

Amen, Amen, and Blessed Be.

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