Grief as a Friend

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button above.

Rev. Carrie Holley-Hurt
November 2, 2025
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

Loss is an inevitable part of the human experience, and yet we often give ourselves so little time to acknowledge it or to spend time with our grief. This Sunday, we will spend some time acknowledging the loss we have experienced and the grief that has shown up in its place. Rev. Carrie Holley-Hurt leads us through a ritual of acknowledgement. She will mention many forms of loss, from the climate crisis to the loss of a loved one.

Chalice Lighting

This is the flame we hold in our hearts as we strive for justice for everyone. This is the light we shine upon systems of oppression until they are no more. This is the warmth that we share with one another as our struggle becomes our salvation.

Call to Worship

“BE NOT AFRAID OF LOVE: LESSONS ON FEAR, INTIMACY, AND CONNECTION”
– by Mimi Zhu

“I do not believe that grief ever disappears. Grief morphs and shape-shifts as we honor it, as it begins to entwine with the contours of love. At times, it can tug at your heart and break it, especially on days when you feel vulnerable and tender. On other days, it can fill your spirit with immense gratitude for a life that was shared and a life that continues…. Our grief transforms […] into an energy of love.”

Affirming Our Mission

Together we nourish souls, transform lives, and do justice to build the Beloved Community.

Reading

THE CURE FOR SORROW
by Jan Richardson

Because I do not know
Any medicine for grief,
But to let ourselves
Grieve.

Because I do not know
Any cure for sorrow,
But to let ourselves
Sorrow

Because I do not know
Any remedy,
But to let the heart break,
To let it fall open, then
To let it fall open
Still more.

Because I do not know
How to mend
The unmendable,
Unfixable,
Unhealable wound
That keeps finding
Itself healed
As we tend it,
As we follow
The line of it,
As we let it lead us
On the path
It knows

Because I do not know
Any solace
But to give ourselves
Into the love
That will never cease
To find us,
That will never loose
Its hold on us,
That will never abandon us
To the sorrow
For which it holds the cure.

Sermon

For the ancient Aztec and Celtic people, this time of the year was a time to acknowledge the loss of their loved ones. These ancient people created rituals and rich systems of beliefs that have evolved into the traditions of Dias Dia de los Muertos and Samhain. And today, November 2nd, many Christians around the world will observe a tradition dating back to the early Middle Ages called All Souls’ Day. Also, a practice of acknowledging lost loved ones. I am sure there are people in this room or online that are participating in one of these traditions.

Spending time acknowledging ancestors can be found in many traditions all over the world and throughout the year. Each tradition unique to its specific culture and people but all with the focus on stoping. On acknowledging our loss.

This is such a powerful and beautiful way of giving grief some of our intentional attention. Something that is hard to do in a society where productivity is the highest values. Where our lives feel like one full on run from one task to another.

In my experience, Grief comes into our lives and it hands us a package of all the deepest human emotions, joy, gratitude, sadness, anger… all of it But in our busy world we don’t often feel safe enough to sit with these emotions. We don’t feel safe to go inside with grief and allow it to nourish us.

And so grief gets pushed down. We repress it. We ignore it. We judge ourselves for having it.

But it’s never really gone. It comes out in all sorts of strange ways. Seemly out of nowhere, while we are walking down the grocery store aisle. While we are brushing our teeth. And sometimes it can come and completely knocking us off our feet.

Most, if not all of us, are carrying around some level of grief.

Grief is inevitable because loss is inevitable. And it isn’t just people that we grieve. We grieve the climate, we grieve lost opportunities, or ways in which we thought our lives would unfold. We grieve the safety, security, and protection that we should have been given but weren’t. And we have the grief we inherited, our ancestral grief that shows up in our bodies even when we didn’t know the ancestors or their stories.

To be human is to have grief. It is to be given this packet of all human emotion as a way of connecting us to our love, to help us understand our loss, to teach us in a thousand different ways how to be here right now on this planet with those we love. And those things we care about. It grows us and stretches us, it might even humble us.

After a long time of trying hard to repress it, I see grief as my friend. And because of that I know I need to be intentional about spending time with my friend.

Not to try to “heal” Not to try to “get over it” but to let it be. To let it reaffirm my humanity. What better way to affirm my connection with myself, my values, and those that I love. My friend grief brings so many gifts.

But so often we miss out on this aspect of grief because it doesn’t fit into the fast pace of our lives, and it certainly doesn’t fit into the larger narrative that is so grief-adverse.

So today is a day to ritualize and practice giving our grief some intentional attention in a safe community of love and support.

I do want to note that some people experience complex grief, that kind of grief needs more support. If this is you, please reach out for help. Both myself and Rev. Chris are available as are many qualified professionals.

Here is this place, where we are working towards the beloved community We can practice turning toward our grief through a time of reflection and ritual.

As we enter into this ritual of acknowledgment…. I want you to know that I am not asking you to go to any place in your heart that would feel unsafe. You can go as deeply or as shallowly as you like. As you feel safe.

The goal is to practice being intentional. To practice turning towards our grief with the confidence that it has something to offer us. To remind ourselves that because we are human we experience grief.

Please take your small slip of dissolvable paper. We will enter into a time of reflection as the music begins to play.

If you have joined us online, now would be a good time to grab paper and pen so that we can turn towards our grief and give it some attention.

Maybe its showing you a memory or an image

Maybe its showing up as a feeling in your body

Maybe it’s tears or a lump in your throat

Maybe it’s something else entirely.

Whatever it is there is no judgment, just attention.

(Music begins)

And now you can either transfer some of what you are holding onto the paper symbolically by pressing it to your heart or by writing a word or phrase on it.

And when you are so moved make your way down the aisle to release your paper into one of these containers of water.

As the music continues we will hold sacred silence as we move through the ritual.

As the paper hits the water, it will dissolve.
It reminds us that no feeling is forever.
That when we sit with our emotions, they will come, they will rise, and they will dissolve.

(Music and Ritual)

PRAYER

That which calls us home to ourselves, that calls us to one another, that calls us to deep love.

Bless the grief that has come up. Bless us as we continue to turn intentionally towards it.

May we be able to return to ourselves. May we be able to make space for our grief. May we allow the gifts and lessons that grief has to offer us.

Bless this water that is showing us how we are held. Bless this water that is showing us that no emotion last forever and that is showing us that all of us – our joy, our sadness… our grief are held. By life itself.

May we allow it.

Extinguishing the Chalice

We extinguish this flame, but not the light of truth, the warmth of community, or the fire of commitment. These we hold in our hearts until we are together again.

Benediction

In a few moments, we will leave this sacred time together And I will return this water to the earth.

May you leave this place feeling held.
May you leave this place feeling connected.

As Jan Richardson wrote…
“And may you know that love holds you,
A love that will never cease.
To find us, That will never loose
Its hold on us,
That will never abandon us
To the sorrow”

Go in peace

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