Unitarian Universalist Religious Education in our Lives
© Andrea Lerner
March 4, 2001
Director of Religious Education
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org
Dr. Elias Farajaje-Jones describes religious education as “a global holistic process where we are all radically engaged in healing the universe.” Race, class, gender, geography, sexuality, and spirituality – all of these intersect, affect each other, and are deeply connected. It is the purpose of religious education, he said, to address these interconnections, change lives, and thereby change the community.
INVOCATION
Rabbi Nancy Fuchs, in Our Share of Night, Our Share of Morning, a book about parenting as a spiritual journey, writes of a conversation with a thirteen year old about religion. She said that after being exposed to a variety of religious services, she invented her own religion. It was the essence of simplicity. ‘God created the world and that’s it. You die and that’s it. It doesn’t matter what you wear to services. Actually,… there are no services, just the announcements and the refreshments.’
This girl may not have gotten all that religion has to offer yet, but she has begun to appreciate sharing life with others. As she grows older, she will find that she was right not to leave community out of her invented religion. For many, the home a religious community offers is a profound glimpse of grace.
WORDS FOR ALL AGES
Why do we have to learn this stuff?
Have you ever said that to yourself over in RE or at school?
What is something you have felt this way about?
Here is a story that tell us something about what we learn.
A long time ago, there were some travelers preparing to retire for the evening. They made their camp and watered their animals, and were just getting ready to go to sleep. Suddenly, they were surprised by a great light in the sky, and they knew something important was about to happen.
They waited for a sign or message, meant especially for them. A voice spoke out of the light. ‘Gather as many white stones as you can. Put them in your saddle bags. Travel for one day and the next sundown will find you both happy and sad.’
Then the light was gone. The travelers seemed disappointed. They thought the great light and mysterious voice would have brought a message of great importance, perhaps something that would enable them to bring peace and health to the world.
Instead, they were given the very menial task of picking up stones!! Happy and sad at the same time? This made no sense to them at all. However, the memory of their visitor filled with light caused them to pick up a few stones. (collect the stones in the empty bag and place in purse.)
At the end of the next day’s journey, while making camp, they came upon the bags of stones. They thought perhaps they should spill the stones out, to make their saddle bags lighter. Certainly the travelers were no happier than the day before. (bring forth other bag)
But when they spilled the bags, they found to their amazement that the white stones had turned into valuable gems – diamonds, rubies, emeralds – gems in all the colors of the rainbow. (spill out ‘gems’ – either on floor, if you can stand the chaos of children scrambling about, or into a flat basket, so they can each choose one)
Then they knew what the voice had meant about being happy and sad at the same time….
Why were the travelers happy? (cause they had gems)
Why were they sad? (cause they wished they had picked up more)
Now, here is what I think the story means…
Sometimes the things we are asked to learn do not seem important at the time, like gathering white stones seemed silly to the travelers.
As you grow up, you find that many of those simple things you learn turn out to be some of the most important lessons of our lives.
So I say to you, gather all the stones you can, and you can count on a bright future filled with gems of great value.
Cornerstone, Keystone, Touchstone
My sermon title today is, Cornerstone, Keystone, Touchstone: Unitarian Universalism in Our Lives. A more subversive subtitle might be: ‘How Lifespan UU Religious Education Can Rock Your World.’
At last summer’s General Assembly the Fah’s Lecturer, Reverend Elias Farajaje-Jones, encouraged the religious educators to think of themselves as radical transformers of our worlds – and applauded us as we go about our primary work – subverting the dominant paradigm. No slouch as a radical himself, Dr Farajaje-Jones described religious education as ‘a global holistic process where we are all radically engaged in healing the universe.’ Race, class, gender, geography, sexuality, spirituality – all of these intersect, affect each other, and are deeply connected – like pebbles sending out ripples in a pond of water – inseparable.
It is the purpose of religious education, he said, to address these interconnections – change lives, and thereby change the community. We must challenge the systems that keep us divided by norms – like the norms of ‘whiteness,’ or ‘heteropatriarchy.’ We must address the norm of being able-bodied by increasing our awareness that we are all only temporarily able-bodied. Young people are not the future, the elderly are not the past – we are all the incredibly multi-layered complex NOW. We must remove the walls that separate us. Anything else strips us of our real power.
It was very affirming for me to receive this message from a member in my last congregation: I just wanted to say that I’m blown away by the fabulous job you’re doing with RE. The amount of deep thought, vision and hard work you’re putting into it really shows. I think your vision for the program is ambitious and right on. It’s just what I want for our family from the program – to strengthen and augment our sense of family and larger community, and blur the lines between the two.’
This seemed all about living life without walls to me. Dr. Farajaje-Jones would be proud. It’s not always easy. – Nationwide, the average working lifespan of a DRE has been about three years. There is a joke among DRE’s that someday we might get a ‘real’ job. For a long time, many UU congregations have been served by gifted part-time DRE’s – mostly women, and mostly able to do that work due to a partner’s income – That is changing across the continent now, and I do think we are on the right track – structuring the position so that it can be seen as a professional career in its own right with responsiblities for adult religious education as well.
Davidson told me last week that the new Austin Model has changed how he writes sermons – reaching toward the goal of making a difference in the community. Sometimes the ‘juice and crackers’ part of being a DRE gets in the way me seeing what a real difference my job makes in the world.
I had a low point a few years ago, doubting whether I had chosen my career wisely. Just when I was about to give up, I had an experience in an intergenerational educational seminar. It wasn’t a UU thing, and I didn’t know many people there. One of the participants voiced a strong anti-woman opinion. A teenage girl stood up and called him on his comment. The next day, another person made a homophobic remark. Again this same girl stood up to confront him.
I decided to talk to her on break, and tell her I admired how self-possessed and brave she was. It turns out she was a Unitarian Universalist youth, a product of our religious education system. It was the right boost at the right time for me. I’ve never again questioned how much of a difference we are making. The results might be seen a generation out, but they’ll be there.
So, Andrea, what’s with the rocks?
I had this epiphany last summer about the notion of “touchstones” – and how I could use that word in children’s worship. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even know what a touchstone was. I would have guessed it was something of a cross between a blarney stone, to kiss for luck, and a worry stone, to smooth your cares away.
It’s a good thing there are dictionaries! (And the on-line ones were no help here – I used a real paper dictionary!) The definition of a touchstone is – any test or criterion by which the qualities of a thing are tried: that which determines genuineness or value. A touchstone was originally a black stone used to test gold or silver by rubbing them on the stone and evaluating the mark.
My personal vision of our congregation is of a Unitarian Universalist community that sustains and challenges every participant, providing both a sanctuary, or safe haven for our spirits and a laboratory from which to work on repairing the world. In other words, a church that ‘works’ for all its members, and a world that ‘works’ for everyone.
How valuable it would be to have a touchstone to gauge our progress along this path – to see if our actions were genuine and valuable! I offer today that Unitarian Universalist Lifespan Religious Education can be that touchstone – and more!
I see it first as a cornerstone of our lives – that basic essential and most elemental part of our life’s architecture. Our programming needs to be not only informational, but formational. In our lifespan religious education programs, we need to grow deep roots that can power broad wings. Every person should be provided opportunities to become “grounded” in our six sources and our history, forging our personal identity with our identity as Unitarian Universalists. Each seeker from other traditions would be welcomed at whatever stage they are on their personal journey, and respected for their personal truth.
I also see Unitarian Universalist Religious Search as a keystone – that which supports and holds together the other parts. Without the keystone of our community our personal lives would just not be the same. We must join the generations together in this effort, learning together, worshipping together and socializing together, building strong bonds of community. Children and youth must learn what it means to be a responsible member first hand – learning good stewardship, good manners, leadership, outreach and service, both by example and increasing participation.
A cornerstone – to inform our lives and provide a firm foundation
A keystone – to conform our lives and hold us together in strength
A touchstone – to reform our lives and keep us on our chosen path
So, Andrea, tell us how religious education can do all that!
Well, the first secret of success is, as religious educator Maria Harris says, ‘The congregation is the curriculum.’ Everything we do in community is instructional.
Or as Alanis Morrisette might say,
You love, you learn
You grieve, you learn
You choose, you learn
You pray, you learn
You ask, you learn
You live, you learn
When I was the DRE in Orlando, we had a front pew that was just big enought for two adults or three children, and most Sundays was filled with children. One Sunday,our district executive came for a visit. As he entered the new sanctuary, he walked to the front and sat in our small front pew. A child told him he was too old to sit there. He moved. – But he delighted in relating the story.
At first, I was embarrassed to think that one of our children was rude to a visitor. But, after thinking about it for awhile, I realized that our children were beginning to feel a sense of ownership about the sanctuary. Their behavior in this special place was involved and respectful. This was the RE Commitee’s intention when they proposed weekly family worship. The children there, and here are forging a bond with the worship experience that cannot be formed in any other way.
I would be more than happy for us to be known as “the Church where the children sit up front.”
The second secret is that a little intentionality and organization around these life experiences is a very good thing. Our district executive, Reverend Bob Hill has been promoting covenanted small groups – which could include groups that meet around a common interest whose members strive to treat each other with civility and respect, with growing affection and support. They certainly sound like they would go a long way toward filling that ‘community-sized hole in our hearts.’ Ask some of our UU Voyagers about their covenant group experiences.
Last fall, I attended an ecumenical training – ‘Creating Healthy Congregations’, a family-systems approach to creating and maintaining community. During part of the workshop, the leader, Reverend Peter Steinke, told us about 11 triggers of anxiety in a congregation. In talking about them, he said that 8 out of 9 of the last congregations he worked with, across many denominations, cited lack of pastoral care as their main concern.
In the conversation that ensued, we thought it unlikely that pastoral care was being left off the seminary course list, and wondered if our neediness for this care results in part from no longer being served by other institutions and care groups – schools where you knew all the teachers, doctors who used to make house calls, companies where we were employed for nearly our whole work lives, extended families available to lend a hand or an ear. In our increasingly depersonalized world, we are all looking for that place ‘where everybody knows your name, and you’re always glad you came.’
We need to create an environment in which authentic and supportive relationships can develop. Modern society has made this difficult. We are all pressed for time and energy. We need to make the commitment to honor the time we spend together by showing up, spending time together, expressing appreciation, coping with crisis and learning to live in “right relationship.” Creative and innovative approaches are necessary to meet the varying needs of families and help them address the destructive aspects of our modern society.
I like to think of teaching in the RE program as being a ‘spiritual arsonist’ – lighting fires in people’s souls. Summarizing Roberta Nelson’s essay, ‘The Teacher as Spiritual Guide,’ ‘The teacher who listens and hears, who affirms and challenges, who questions and encourages questioning is the heart of our porograms. We can overcome resistance to teaching with a vision that engages and supports teachers in their own spiritual search. We must make mainfest the miralce that we know happens when teacher-guides engage with young people, with co-leaders and themselves. They become of a pilgramage that goes ever deeper and feeds their souls.’
The third secret is that you have to really want it. You have to be open to change. You have to make a commitment. You have to …show ….up.
Larry Peers, one of the ministers running for UUA President, often speaks on the subject of “Evangelism” and growth. Now evangelism is a term that has many negative connotations for most of us. But Larry stressed that we must find a way to tell others our “good news”, to share with them why it is important for us to come here. I’m sure that those of us who found Unitarian Universalism as adults would have come here sooner if only someone had told us about this wonderful, welcoming, fulfilling experience that we share.
Larry is right….we are poor evangelizers. – We are so poor at this that we will not even evangelize our own children when they tell us they would rather stay home in bed, or that church is boring, or that it isn’t “their thing”. The best thing we can do in these situations is to tell our kids why attending this church is “our thing.” – Now, many of us have found this church because of traumatic indoctrinations to religion experienced in our youth. We want our children to find their own answers, their own path to spirituality. But here is the key point….they cannot do this in a vacuum.
I would like to share with you the words of Minot Judson Savage, a Unitarian Minister.
“Parents tell me continuously that they do not give their children any religious training, from the feeling that it is taking unfair advantage of the child. They say, “I propose to let my children grow up as far as possible unbiased.” But if you do not bias you children, the first person that they meet on the street, or in school, or among their friends, will begin the work of biasing, whether you will it or not. It is something over which you have no choice. It is something that will be done either wisely and well-or unwisely or ill.”
These words were spoken over one hundred years ago, yet they seem quite contemporary. Many parents today believe they can raise their children in a religious vacuum. But the thing about vacuums is that they suck up whatever is in their path, dust and diamonds alike, with no filter to separate the two. Religious education provides children with this missing filter.
Show your children that RE is important to you by asking about their Sunday class, by sharing your thoughts and feelings about what they have learned. Bring them on time for class, and sit in on the class occasionally. Make Sunday attendance a priority in your lives, make it an event, dress up, go out with the lunch bunch regularly. Put it on your calendar first, and work other events in around it. After all, if church attendance is not a priority for you, it won’t be a priority for your children either. Of course, I’m probably preaching to the choir, because you are here. So look around, and see who’s missing, and tell them what I said.
You can tell your kids what I told my son a few years ago – He said to me, ‘You said going to church was going to make us better people. I don’t see a difference.’ So I told him, ‘Well, we’re just going to keep going until it works.’
A forum speaker a few weeks ago told us that our children’s personalities and habits are 90% genetics and only 10% environment. Well, if we only have access to influencing that 10%, we had better be pretty intentional about accessing it.
How many people here can tell me what’s in a Big Mac?
That’s right, two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
I would wager many fewer of you could name the seven principles and six sources.
It’s the same for our children – they’re only here a hour or two per week. Making a difference in their lives is going to require a partnership between parents, teachers, staff, and each and every one in this community. The most important religious education occurs in the home, every day, by children witnessing the words and deeds that make up our lives. If you need help transmitting UU values to your children at home, we can help. There are RE programs for adults like “Being a Unitarian Universalist Parent”, “Parents as Resident Theologians”, and “Unitarian Universalism in the Home”. We could arrange classes or loan of these materials to interested parents.
I’d also like to issue an invitation to let me or the RE Committee know how we can best suit your family’s needs. This is not an empty invitation…. we really want to know. It is truly important for you to let us know when you are satisfied with the RE program and when you are dissatisfied with something. We have no other way of knowing how to improve our program.
If you bought shoes that fit perfectly, you would go back to the store to buy another pair, and you might tell the owner that you like his shoes. But if you buy shoes that fall apart, and don’t complain to the owner, he won’t know if you stopped coming because of bad shoes, or because you moved away, or because you wanted to commune with nature through your bare soles. Please, be conscientious religious consumers!
Of course, be forewarned, that if you have a really good idea, the committee will probably ask you to help implement it. And so it should be…we are a cooperative church school… our volunteers teach, chaperone field trips, help in the nursery, and provide sweat-equity on work days. Most of them will tell you that they get as much pleasure and education as they give, maybe more.
And that is only part of the really good news. You already place a high value on your participation here. I think that if we could re-focus our attention on what we love about our community, and keep it there, the rest would just involve working out the details.
That’s why I have asked you all to complete the thought –
This Church and Unitarian Universalism are important to me because….
And I got some great answers! Answers that tell me how Unitarian Universalism forms the foundation of your lives, how it binds us together in community and how it guides our decisions we make in our everyday lives. How it truly is our Cornerstone, our Keystone and our Touchstone.
I would like to read some of them now (Not all responses were read, and different ones read at each service.
I heard Cornerstone Answers, like…
It offers a sacred space for contemplation, a place for focusing on others in the community, and my soul. It offers a wide open container – a place to provoke me, a place to soothe me.
I want my children to learn to think for themselves so that they can make religious, moral and ethical decisions that are right for them. I want them to learn to respect other’s opinions and not be afraid to voice their own. I want them to learn that it is their duty to make a difference in the world. This church and UUism can help me in this endeavor.
they help me teach my children religious tolerance and diversity of religious thought, provide me an opportunity for quality adult interactions, have begun to support me as a parent, and provide a spiritual community for my family.
It helps me to give meaning to my life and has since 1956
This church is important to me because I have gone here my whole life. Also, I am free to believe what I want here. Uuism is important to me bewcause I think it is the religion of the future. I would like to build some off it and create something bigger and better.
It serves all the needs of our family. Being raised in a Presbyerian Church with a Southern Baptist family and my husband being Jewish, it fit for raising our son with values and ideals we both home. Hmmm….interesting that two so different backgrounds would receive the same message. I am grateful!
I feel free to search out my own meaing here, and am affirmed in that search by this church and its members. IN the context of my own experience and the current popular religuos climate, thes feels very speicial. To put it more simply: Here it feels safe to be myself.
What I like about the UU church is the emphasis on many paths to the truth, though I prefer to stress to my own children that this is not a license to believe anything or do anything, but has a set of ethical boundaries in terms of trying to always do “the next BEST thing” and stay (a la Martin Buber) in right relationship with other people. I like that the church gives us room, even as children, to explore these ideas without condemnation. And I want this institution to be here offering that service to my children’s children.
I met my wife at this church and it has been a place for us to grow as individuals and as a family. I especially like having a place where our children will learn about the big questions in life and how to find their own answers. – Tom Bohman
It is a place where my heart can be healed, my mind freed, my spirit encouraged – while wearing JEANS!
…of the total acceptance and nurturing spirit of this church. The inherent worth and dignity of every person is the essence of what I believe. Our diversity makes us stronger. I find this church and Uuism life-affirming in its principles and its practice. I am so thankful for this church, especially as a place to raise a child with UU principles and respect for all persons.
Keystone Answers, like…
I have been attending services regularly since the end of October when I joined the choir. – Even in this short time, I have felt very welcome and find the membership is friendly. The music program is especiallyimportant to me.
They are my family and my continuity in the changing sea of life.
This church is, in every sense of the word, my family. I used to fear this time in my life, but I do not now, because I know I will always have those who will and do care about what happens to me.
I can freely experience and express my spiritual path in a supportive community and my daughter can find her own in the same supportive community.
My friends are here and I’m surrounded by people who more or less agree with me about most things. I am not judged because of stupid things.
No matter what else comes and goes in my life, even my most beloved family members and friends, not matter how full or empty my life might otherwise be, this place, this community of caring and like-minded people is here for me , and I hope it will continue to be.
It is my extended family – far away from my home town. Also it is a place I can feel safe to say, think and feel as and who I am. And have learned to hear and accept others better, as they are different from me. And a place to do things I might not do otherwise or elsewhere.
This church is important to me because it provides me with a community of fellow seekers; a community that is not judgmental; a community that encourages inquiry. Unitarian Universalism is important to me because it provides nourishment to my spiritual needs.
UUism gives me the chance to truly explore a spiritual path rigorously in community – The community part is most important. This church is where my friends are – not all my friends, but many very dear good friends who have supported me through hard times and easy, sad times and joyful ones. Each Sunday I come to worship an am restored to life.
My daughter has found a place here
Touchstone Answers, like…
It supports my ongoing process of trying to become the best person I can be without handing me a package of prescriptions on how to do it. It give me room to grow and helps me do it.
Unitarians have been on the leading edge of liberal thought in their attitudes of women, holding the view that we are equals, and also Unitarians try to get rid of sexism by reworking their hymns and by employing many women ministers and allowing women full inclusion in the church. We are not excluded in this faith, but very much a part of it.
It gives me an ethical and moral compass, without the noice of an imposed theist creed. It guides me in seeking a better path. It offers the same opportunity to my kids, and models that search, should they eventually decide to follow in the same direction.
Every time I attend I feel inspired to live with more zest, compassion and appreciation for humanity and all life. And I almost never feel my defenses rise to reject some form of thought I feel strong disagreement with. It’s pretty much all good stuff.
It is a safe, nurturing place for spiritual growth. It is my community of friends and family. Uuism is fluid, changing and becoming.
I think our church is Peace-making school. Unitarian Universalism in general is a symbol of peaceful values and practices.
To paraphrase Sir Winston Churchill, Unitarianism is the worst of all possible religions – save all the others.
And it’s a great place to meet crisp and interesting older women who have lived life richly and were liberal when liberal was definitely NOT the norm. – What a resource!
And finally,
It is a place of ceremony where big thoughts are stirred.
It is a place where I can sit and be quiet or cry as needed.
It is where I’ve sought guidance about my future, secured my marriage, and honored my children.
It is where my children will learn more about the many faces and names of God.
It is my home where I know I will be informed, challenged, and welcomed.
A cornerstone – a keystone – a touchstone.
What’s that worth to you?
Let’s build together.
