On Death and Dying

© Davidson Loehr 2005

Henry Hug

31 October 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

Prayer

It is Halloween: the ancient time when we allow dark spirits to mingle with the light, that we might try to integrate them. All life is tinged with death, for every day we move toward that time when we shall not move at all. And so in our prayer this morning, let us acknowledge the deaths in our lives.

– Our own death. Whether it is imminent or, we hope, more distant, how do we incorporate our death as a fact of our life? What is this life like, that will end? What do we love, what do we serve, what is precious to us? What gifts do we bring? Since death must come to all, let it not stain life, but come as the inevitable ending to a life we are glad to have lived.

– The death of those we love, whether impending or past but still present in our hearts and minds. What was precious about them? What do we miss, what kind of hole do they leave in us and in the world? What sort of a gift were they, to us and to the world?

– Or the deaths of countless others, victims to wars, starvation or disease. What has their absence taken from our world? How much more complete would we have been, had they been able to flourish and bless the world with their unique gifts? What might be done to prevent the slaughter of war, and the devastation of starvation and disease?

– Or more abstractly, what of the death of dreams, and hope? What dreams have died? What hope has lost its foothold? Just name them.

Sometimes we care for ourselves and our souls simply by taking our fears and losses out of the shadows, naming them, and claiming them. May it happen for us here, this morning, now. So we pray. Amen.

HOMILY: On Death and Dying,

Henry Hug, M.D.

Thanatology is the study of death, from the Greek ‘thanatos’ meaning death and ‘logos’ study. Euthanasia means good death. How appropriate to cover this subject on el dia de los muertos.

For those of you who don’t know me, let me tell you a bit of my background. I am retired physician who practiced thoracic surgery in Michigan before moving to Austin, so you will get a physicians perspective of death.

I would like to cover three subjects. The first one is the death of the supreme thanatologist, Elizabeth Kubler Ross on August 24, 2004. The second is the case of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman who is in persistent vegetative state and finally the Oregon Death with Dignity act.

Kubler Ross was born in Zurich, Switzerland, where she went to medical school and then came to this country in 1957 to train as a psychiatrist. She was appalled at the way hospitals handled death. She became interested in studying death when she saw her mother go through a long and painful final illness that lasted two years, and she went to England to view first hand how they comforted dying patients.

Thirty five years ago, in 1969 she wrote her first of thirteen books. It became an instant classic entitled ‘On Death and Dying’ Four years later when I bought her book, it was already in its tenth printing. I don’t know what printing you would be buying today, but I know that it is still in print and selling well.

In this book she described the five stages that people go through when they are given a fatal diagnosis and prognosis. They are: ‘Denial’ ‘The doctor must be wrong, I am not hurting anywhere, I will get a second opinion’ When the second and sometimes the third or fourth opinion confirm the original one, the patient moves on to the second stage: ‘Anger’ ‘Why me, what have I done to deserve this’ The third stage is ‘Bargaining’ ‘Dear Lord, if you spare me, I will do good works for you’. The fourth stage is ‘Depression’ when the patient can not sleep, loses appetite and show most or all of the symptoms of clinical depression. The fifth and final stage is ‘Acceptance’ where the patient is at peace with himself and with the world.

Not all patients go through all five stages, some remain in some early stage, others may retrogress before moving forward.

Did you know it is possible to go through all five stages in five minutes? Not when dealing with a fatal diagnosis, but imagine this scenario. You are driving along the expressway, there only a few cars on the road, or so you think, so you are driving at 80 miles per hour in a 60 mile per hour zone.

Suddenly you hear a siren and in the rear view mirror you see a police car with its lights flashing. Your first though is ‘It can not be me’ (Denial). When the police car remains at your tail you realize that it is you he is after, so your reaction is ‘Why me, there are other cars going just as fast, why didn’t he stop one of them’ (Anger). Then after the officer asks for your driver’s license and registration you try to plead with him. ‘I wasn’t going that fast officer, besides there so few cars on the road, I wasn’t putting anyone in danger’ (Bargaining). When the cop doesn’t buy your argument, you go into depression. ‘This is going to cost me over 100 dollars, now I can’t buy something nice for myself as I was planning’ (Depression). After the officer hands you a ticket and drives away, you finally have to admit to yourself, ‘I know I was driving 20 miles per hour over the limit. I will be more careful next time. I can’ afford another ticket’ (Acceptance).

Dr. Kubler Ross herself repeated her mother’s experience when she suffered the first of several strokes that left her paralyzed, in pain, unable to care for herself and dependent on others. In spite of her own experience and that of her mother, to the end she remained adamantly opposed to euthanasia or assisted suicide.

The second subject I would like to cover, is that of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman who has been in persistent vegetative state for fourteen years. She originally suffered a cardiac arrest because of an electrolyte imbalance secondary to bulimia. She was resuscitated but not before she suffered extensive brain damage. Patients in persistent vegetative state differ from those in coma in that they do not appear to be asleep. Their eyes are open and they grimace which some interpret as them responding to verbal stimuli. I have seen patients in persistent vegetative state and they grimace and move their eyes even when there is no one in the room and are observed from a distance.

Her husband petitioned the court to have her feeding tube removed and let her die, based on the fact that in life she had frequently voiced that she did not want to live if ever in such a condition. Terri’s parents and sister hang to the futile belief that with some unconventional treatment she may recover some day and petitioned Florida governor, Jeb Bush, to have the tube reinserted. The busybody governor knowing he didn’t have the authority to order the reinsertion of the tube, asked the meddlesome legislature to pass a law that would allow him to give the order. In less than 24 hours, the two chambers of the legislature, hastily gave the governor the authority to have the tube reinserted.

Michael Schiavo challenged the law and Judge Douglas Baird agreed with him, ruling that the law was probably unconstitutional because it violated the separation of powers. An appellate court concurred and the case went to the Florida Supreme Court. A few weeks ago, the seven Supreme Court judges ‘two of whom were appointed by Governor Bush- unanimously declared that the law was unconstitutional because it reduced the courts to being a mere consulting body if the legislature could overrule a decision of the courts by passing a new law.

The lesson to be learned from this ordeal is that if you don’t have living will, you should not walk, you should run after this service to a table in the gallery where Daesene Willmann has the appropriate forms where you designate someone you trust to carry out your wishes. They are easy to fill out and only needs to be witnessed, not notarized, to make your wishes official. Incidentally in a living will your wish could be that you want to be kept alive as long as possible. The correct name of the so called living will is ‘Directive to Physicians and Surrogates’

The third and last subject I will be covering is Oregon’s ‘Right to Die’ law.

In 1994 the Oregon legislature passed a law that allowed a physician to prescribe a large amount of barbiturates to terminal patients who were expected to live less than six months. Governor Kitzhaber, signed the law which had multiple safeguard to prohibit abuse. Among them, the patient had to be a resident of Oregon for at least six months, to prevent an influx of patients from other states. The person had to have a patient ‘ doctor relation also for at least six months.

Two other physicians had to concur that the patient was indeed terminal with a life expectancy of less than six months and was capable of making rational decisions. Only then could the physician prescribe a large dose of barbiturates, enough to be fatal if ingested. The patient is then given instructions on how to proceed.

I have read that some patients chose not to take the fatal dose before dying, but died with the peace of mind that it was available if needed.

Within weeks of the governor signing the law attorneys from the National Right to Life petitioned United States District Court Judge Michael Hogan to review the case and declare it unconstitutional. The State of Oregon appealed the decision and the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals ordered the reversal of Judge Hogan’s decision.

Judge Hogan made an end run around the reversal by allowing the National Right to Life to refile the lawsuit under different grounds. In 1995 Hogan once again ruled the law unconstitutional because it violated the equal protection clause of the US Constitution. Again the Appellate Court rebuked the rather week argument made by judge Hogan and the United States Supreme Court refused to hear the appeal.

In November of 1995 Oregon voters resoundingly reaffirmed the country’s only assisted suicide law. A few weeks later judge Hogan complied with the Appellate Court by dismissing the National Right to Life lawsuit but once again left the door open a crack by allowing once more to consider an amendment of the lawsuit and start the process anew.

Let me digress here. When I was in Michigan I had a patient who was a Circuit Court Judge and he told me that all judges rule with an eye of what the Court of Appeals may rule on their cases. If they are overruled, they will say: ‘The distinguished colleague erred’ but what they really mean is ‘You goofed dummy’.

Undeterred, the National Right to Life refiled the lawsuit in the case by claiming that their client suffers a so called ‘stigmatic injury’. Courts have recognized such an injury when a law stigmatizes a class of people. In this case they claim that terminally ill patients’ lives are less worthy than those healthy or in other words, terminally ill patients are being treated as second class citizens. The argument was very weak because it was applied when black jurors were excluded simply because they were black. In the assisted suicide law, it is the patients themselves who request the help and are not singled out by others.

With this in 1997 the Death With Dignity law, as it is now named, went into effect.

Not giving up the cause, now it is United States Attorney General John Ashcroft who is leading the charge against the law. The basis for his intervention is that it violates the Controlled Substances Act that require that controlled substances to be administered for a medical purpose and assisted suicide is not one.

Federal Judge Robert E. Jones upheld the Oregon law allowing physician assisted suicide, ruling that the Justice Department does not have the authority to overturn it.

In his Ruling Judge Jones criticized Attorney General Ashcroft for seeking to nullify the state law. Judge Jones ordered the federal government to halt any efforts to prosecute Oregon physicians, pharmacists and other health care providers who participate in assisted suicide of terminally ill patients under Oregon law.

Judge Jones further stated ‘To allow an attorney general ‘ an appointed executive whose tenure depends entirely on what administration occupies the White House ‘ to determine the legitimacy of a particular medical practice without a specific congressional grant on such authority would be unprecedented.’

‘We are digesting the opinion’ said Ashcroft at a news conference. ‘The opinion will be evaluated in the department and the course of action taken by the department will be determined upon our complete reading of the opinion and evaluation of the circumstances.’

It is now generally expected that the Justice Department will appeal the ruling by Judge Jones to Ninth U. S. Court of Appeals.

These are only a few examples of dealing with death where a few zealots try to impose their beliefs on others. Some European countries, starting with the Netherlands have passed assisted suicide laws that are accepted by the citizens but those opposed to it are not trying to overturn it.

Our biggest fear should be that these same zealots will try to amend the US Constitution as they are trying to do with same sex marriage and burning of the American flag.

Finally a reminder. Daesene Willmann is in the Gallery with the ‘Directive to Physicians and Surrogate’ forms for you to fill out.

HOMILY: On Death and Dying,

Davidson Loehr

It is Halloween, the ancient holiday when the spirits mingle with us, when the shadow side comes to light, when we are offered the chance to integrate parts of our conscious and unconscious worlds.

The things that remain in the shadows are different for liberals and conservatives. Conservatives stereotypically favor laws over leeway, favor top-down decisions rather than individual rights. Liberals tilt the other way.

So for conservatives today, I hope their preachers are asking them to look at the neglected role of individual freedom to override dictates from above.

But to do that here would be redundundant, especially on a subject like a patient’s right to die. If we took a poll, I suspect we would be overwhelmingly in favor of honoring a patient’s decision, no matter what.

For the record, I agree with everything Henry has said. I think the laws must honor our wishes, and allow us to make decisions, even mistakes regarding our own life. After all, we do it every day of our lives. We do it when we choose our diet, our exercise program or lack of it, when we drive too fast, or after having a drink or when we are angry. Each of these decisions could end our life, and we make them every day. So why not honor it when we make a more explicit decision to die?

It would be too easy to argue in favor of something we already believe in. So I want to honor the spirit of Halloween by bringing to the surface some facts from the shadows, some doubts we should entertain. Life is bigger and more complex than we can know, and we should leave room for ambiguity, doubt and humility when making life-and-death decisions.

As usual, I’ve brought you some stories.

The first is the heroic way we like to imagine these things happening, and they way they really did happen with a wonderful man who belonged to a church I served a decade ago. He was a retired Classics professor, about 85, and his name was Victor. Victor was a very opinionated man, without a lot of doubts about what he wanted. And, when he was admitted to the hospital dying of several things ‘ though mostly, as he told me, of old age ‘ he filled out his patient’s rights form immediately, making it clear that he wanted no heroic measures, and did not want to be resuscitated.

But the word didn’t get passed to the night shift. So when Victor went into cardiac arrest in the middle of the night, they called in the team that put the electric paddles on his chest and gave him a terrific jolt of electricity to jump-start his heart, which it did. Victor’s eyes opened wide, he looked straight at the man who had held the paddles, and said very sternly ‘Don’t do that again!’ They didn’t, and those were his last words: he died a few minutes later.

I love that story, partly because it was so true to Victor’s wonderful spirit, and partly because I wish all such stories were so clear and unambiguous.

But they are not.

I know some of you read the story published in the New York Times on October 5th, with the title ‘On a Matter of Life or Death, a Patient Is Overruled,’ by a Dr. Sandeep Jauhar. A man in his mid-50s had had a heart attack and developed complications. His mind was sound, and he had told the medical staff that he was never under any conditions to be intubated ‘ to have a large oxygen tube put down into his lungs. Then he developed a condition where he either had to be intubated or he would die. He still refused, the medical staff overpowered him and put the oxygen tube into his lungs. After a few weeks of more complications, he finally stabilized, the tube was taken out and he was on the road to recovery. Once the tube was out, the doctor who had ordered the patient’s wishes overruled visited him, and said he was the one who had ordered the patient held down so the oxygen tube could be put in to save his life. ‘I know,’ said the patient. Then he added ‘Thank you.’

So the patient’s advance decision was not the same as his decision when his life had been saved and he was on the way to recovery. Yes, there are cases where the doctors overrule patients where we think the patients would hate it, then or later. But this is one where the patient acknowledged that even he had not be capable of making the decision he was now glad the doctors had made in spite of him.

Twenty years ago while I was writing my dissertation and working as a staff chaplain in downtown Chicago, I was part of a much more dramatic story. It was one of only two cases where it was the medical staff rather than the patient who called for the chaplain. It was an amazing story.

Mr. Robbins was 62, and had been told he was at risk for a stroke. On Friday night, he phoned Carol, his favorite daughter in California for their weekly chat. During that chat, he suddenly became very serious, and said that if he ever had a massive stroke, he would absolutely not want to live for one minute, and insisted that she promise she would honor those wishes.

She agreed.

The next morning, he had that stroke. He was completely paralyzed and I was told that he could not speak or communicate. Carol flew to Chicago, and by the time I got to the unit on Monday afternoon, she had already ordered all life-saving measures stopped. The doctors said that time heals some things even after a severe stroke, and that she needed to wait at least several months before ordering them to kill him, as they put it.

Carol pointed out that this was the least ambiguous case they could imagine, since she knew precisely what her father wanted done now. The fight with the medical staff continued for nearly a week, during which time they did sneak him services which she had forbidden. One by one, she discovered the heroic measures they were taking, and ordered them all stopped, including feeding him through a tube.

The chief resident was nearly hysterical, saying this was nothing less than the murder of a man who would undoubtedly recover some, maybe much, of his lost faculties. But Carol had a certainty about her father’s precise wishes that few of us will ever have.

It was during one of these heated confrontations ‘ almost all carried on by the bed, as though the patient were deaf as well as paralyzed ‘ that a nurse’s aide from the night shift who happened to be pulling a double shift that day spoke up. ‘Why don’t you ask him what he wants?’ she said. You could have heard a pin drop. When the doctor explained that he was paralyzed and incapable of communicating, she told us that she had worked out a signal system at night where he wiggled the tip of his little finger to answer Yes or No.

The medical staff quickly and wisely worked up a list of test questions, to make sure he was aware and really communicating, and about eight of us gathered around his bed for an interview I will never forget. They tried to trip him up by asking trick questions, like whether he had had a heart attack (he said No), or phoned his son (No), or if he was in California (No). Each time, his finger-wiggling showed us he was fully present and fully aware of his situation.

They asked if he had told his daughter Carol that he would not want to live for one minute if he had a massive paralyzing stroke, and he said Yes. They asked if he knew that he had, in fact, had that stroke, and he said Yes. They asked if he wanted to die, and he said No. He said No.

Because of the fluke of a nurse’s aide working two shifts who had taken the trouble to learn how to communicate with him, he was able to change his mind and choose the very life he had been sure, a week earlier, that he would not want for one minute.

When we create fights between a family’s wishes and the advice of doctors, we run the risk that doctors’ decisions may be mechanical and uncaring, and that family decisions may be caring but dangerously uninformed. In both these cases, the patient himself was not qualified to see the decision he would really want made. They judged their future as hopeless based on an inaccurate understanding, and when their decision was overruled, or when they had the chance to reverse it, they were thankful to be able to do so.

Forty years ago, my grandmother died. The doctors wanted to put her into a nursing home where she would receive professional medical care, and said she could expect to live for at least another nine months. She wanted to stay home and be cared for by her husband of sixty years, but they said without professional care, she would probably not live more than three months. ‘I choose,’ she told them, ‘to have three months of loving care rather than nine months of professional care. She stayed home, and died about three months later.

In life, we hope for more than just blind obedience by those who love us. We certainly don’t get blind obedience from them while we’re alive! We hope they will care for us intelligently. And we trust those closest to us to use their own judgment in caring for us, even when it contradicts our own. We can’t dictate to our most intelligent and caring friends when we’re alive, and we shouldn’t try to dictate to them over our dying.

I think it’s the most we can hope for in death and dying, as well. My own family is very small: I have just one brother. But if he were to make decisions about my life, I would want him to remember my dignity, remember what a gift life is, and remember that he loved me. And I would respect any decision that came from those memories, whether it would have been my decision or not.

And if I were charged with making those decisions for him, I would try to do it in the same way. And if my loving and informed decisions disagreed with his, I would forgive myself in advance ‘ as I know he would forgive me ‘ for caring for him in the way I thought best.

I hope we will have the kind of laws that Henry also hopes we will have. But within those laws, I hope to receive decisions that come from an informed caring ‘ even if they are different decisions than I would have made. I know some of you will disagree with this, so I invite you to think about what you would hope to receive, and to give.

It is Halloween, when spirits from the shadows join sunnier spirits. We welcome this uncomfortable mixture, for we know that the integration of both the sunny and shadowy spirits will make us more whole, and do honor to our participation in this amazing gift of life.

A Cross of Iron Revisited

© Martin Bryant

15 Aug 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

In the reading we were reminded of the numerous injunctions in the Judeo-Christian tradition which encourage us to peace.

The religious tradition which has served me personally with the greatest inspiration is the Tao-Te-Ching – the two thousand year old Chinese text:

I read from a recent translation by Stephen Mitchell

There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy. Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe. (from #46)

For every force there is a counterforce. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon itself. (#30)

Weapons are the tools of violence, the tools of fear and a decent person will avoid them except in the direst necessity and use them only with the utmost restraint. One’s enemies are not demons – but human beings, like oneself. Do not rejoice in victory – for every victory is a funeral for kin. (#31)

Give evil nothing to oppose and it will disappear itself. (#60)

There can be no wholeness in war – only in Peace is there wholeness

These are only a few of the countless passages we could find in all of the world’s spiritual texts that warn against building a culture, a civilization, driven by militarism. Only some of the many that would encourage us to peace and patience, compassion and understanding.

A year and a half ago, the world’s clergy stood almost completely united in their opposition to a unilateral action against Iraq. In Austin all three UU ministers, Rev. Loehr, Chuck Freeman, and Kathleen Ellis, all delivered very strong statements from the pulpit. They were joined not only by individuals, but by organizations of Catholics, Presbyterians, even George Bush’s Methodists.

However, many UUs are somewhat suspicious of religious texts and religious leaders. So I offer you an alternative authority.

Fifty years ago, in a world recovering from the greatest war it had ever known, a struggle against a fascist militaristic nation bent on world domination, and reeling from our use of the most horrible weaponry ever conceived, many of the world’s leaders spoke out about what they saw as an emerging problem, the increasing power and influence of the sponsors of the American military.

In his last writings, incomplete and found on his desk, Albert Einstein, thought by many to be among the most brilliant minds in a century – in fact Time Magazine’s “Man of the Century”, wrote the following words:

The conflict that exists today is no more than an old-style struggle for power, once again presented to mankind in semi-religious trappings. The difference is that, this time, the development of atomic power has imbued the struggle with a ghostly character; for both parties know and admit that, should the quarrel deteriorate into actual war, mankind is doomed. Despite this knowledge, statesmen in responsible positions on both sides continue to employ the well-known technique of seeking to intimidate and demoralize the opponent by marshaling superior military strength. They do so even though such a policy entails the risk of war and doom. Not one statesman in a position of responsibility has dared to pursue the only course that holds out any promise of peace, the course of supranational security, since for a statesman to follow such a course would be tantamount to political suicide. Political passions, once they have been fanned into flame, exact their victims. 

Albert Schweitzer gave up his career as a theologian to go back to school, learn medicine and practice healing among the poorest people in the world in Africa. With his lucent words and his life of service Schweitzer is known as perhaps the greatest philanthropist of the last fifty years.

In becoming supermen we have become monsters. We have permitted masses of people in wartime to be destroyed, whole cities with their inhabitants to be wiped out.., and human beings to be turned into blazing torches by flame throwers. We learn of these happenings through the radio and newspaper and judge them according to whether they bring success to the group of nations to which we belong or to our enemies. When we admit such things are an act of inhumanity we do so with the reservation that we are forced by the facts of war to let them happen.

When without further effort we resign ourselves to this fate we become ourselves guilty of barbarity. Today it is essential that we should all of us admit this inhumanity. The frightful experience that we have shared should arouse us to do everything possible in the hope that we can bring to pass an age when war shall be no more. This determination and this hope can lead only in one direction that we should attain by a new spirit that higher reasonableness that would prevent the unholy use of the might that is now in our command. (endquote)

Martin Luther King Jr was as much a power for peace as he was for Justice. Even as the Civil Rights movement he led began to transform our nation, King was turning his ministry to face what he saw as a growing emphasis on another kind of state sponsored violence:

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. (endquote)

But perhaps a more surprising voice spoke out as well – in 1953 Dwight David Eisenhower was President of the United States and perhaps the most famous soldier of his century. The most powerful man in the world, respected in every corner of the globe, and yet still worried about a growing power he could not counter: Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than thirty cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete highway. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8000 people. This, I repeat, is the best way life to be found on the road the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron (endquote).

Where are our leaders today on this issue? Why is this voice stilled? The only voices who even approach this issue now are from the entertainment world. Our leaders have been silent since the days of Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, John Lennon, Bobby Kennedy, and Anwar Sadat. But perhaps I answer my own question’

In considering current affairs, perhaps it would be constructive to take an historical view of fairly recent US military engagements.

Let’s begin with the World War II. In the “Good War”, the United States was the “Sleeping Giant”. Like the Gary Cooper and Jimmy Stewart screen heroes of the day, the country was very slow to anger, but terrible in its wrath when it could take no more. The U.S. stood by while Germany and Japan attacked ally after ally, in “strong and silent” restraint, until it could be restrained no longer.

When America did enter the war, the country was unified in its resolve and unqualified in its success. With a good bit of help from some friends, America vanquished Hitler and took over 100,000 Japanese lives in two days to defeat Hirohito.

The result was that our country, while taking fewer casualties in Europe than Canada in World War II, was given the respect and appreciation of the world for the victories. And the resulting National self-satisfaction and “glory” was just enough to serve as salve for the deep wounds that war, even popular and successful war, always causes.

Since World War II, the US has been intoxicated with its success and power. With much more ready fists and trigger fingers, like the screen heroes portrayed by Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, and Chuck Norris, we’ve been ready to enter fights around the globe.

With George Bush the elder’s coalition forces, America endured 125 casualties in Desert Storm (many from friendly fire) while destroying over 3800 tanks, 1400 armored personnel carriers, and 141 planes and taking 60,000 prisoners and an unknown number of thousands of Iraqui lives in only a few days.

Do not though, in this election year, imagine I am making a partisan speech on a partisan issue. In 1997, dozens of countries from around the world signed a land mine ban treaty. The treaty, proposed by an American homemaker, and endorsed by the U.N., Princess Diana, and the Pope, outlaws the use of anti-personnel mines due to the horrible effects they have for generations on postwar civilian populations. The United States, led by then President Clinton would not sign this treaty because we are using land mines extensively in our ongoing border cold war in Korea.

In 1998, another international effort, endorsed by former President Carter, circulated another treaty outlawing the use of minors in combat. The signing countries agreed to end practices which currently have seen ten and twelve year olds toting automatic weapons and young girls of eight being used to detect land mines. The United States, because it actively recruits seventeen year olds for our military, would not sign this treaty either.

President Clinton’s refusal of both treaties describes our arrogance. We will simply not make any concession for peace.

And now our history arrives at September 11th, 2001. I do not wish to diminish those heinous acts, but before that awful day, terrorism in the United States was largely about white supremacists and animal rights groups. And since September 11th – we’ve hardly seen a rash of ongoing attacks. Al-Quaeda was a known threat by our intelligence organizations before September 11th and is a more prominent threat now.

But instead of declaring Al-Quaeda public enemy number one and employing the world’s cooperation and sympathy exclusively to track down these criminals and prevent them from doing further harm, President Bush declared war on “terror”.

If abstract “terror” or even generalized terrorism is our opponent – this is a war which we can engage in as long as we want to, because the enemy is of our own making and cannot be defeated. Truly, in the words of John Lennon – “war is over if you want it”.

And America entered into a war in Iraq. We have lost over six hundred American lives and perhaps fifteen times that number of Iraqui lives in this conflict and it does not seem near to any kind of end.

– We were told we entered this war because of the threat of weapons of mass destruction. We’ve not only not found evidence of these weapons, we remain the only world organization which has used weapons of mass destruction and we have discarded our efforts to control our exercise of them and set about building more.

– We were told we entered this war because of Hussein’s atrocities – However Hussein operated one of the more liberal totalitarian Arab countries (more liberal than our friends the Saudis for example or the Kuwaitis whose sovereignty we fought to protect) and we have turned our head from genocide in Africa and Southeast Asia.

– We were told we entered this war to liberate Iraquis and give them freedom. We were told this as our marines went into Haiti to deny those people their vote and depose their elected leader.

– It is apparent we entered this war for reasons that our leadership does not want made clear. And these reasons are mostly about money and power.

Ironically, the United States’ leading religion is Christianity and it is our deepest cultural heritage. Even employing the most pedestrian of translations, in the gospels, Jesus speaks three times more often of peace than he does of salvation. And yet this message from the “Prince of Peace” is lost across the millennia on our country and its leaders. President Bush, not Mother Teresa, or the Pope, has arguably become the most visible figure in Christendom. He often speaks of his devotion and practice of prayer. But it may be difficult to find a recent American leader who has so consistently made decisions which resulted in the deaths of others. It is easy to see how those of other cultures see this is a holy war on both sides when someone who seems to want to be seen as a religious leader is also such a military leader.

However, one finds little of a devout mentality in our use of “shock and awe” tactics against civilian populations and the bounties placed on Iraqui leaders. The President’s labeling the leaders of other nations “an axis of evil” – his military incursions in multiple spheres, his fear-mongering in the United States have generally served to increase the level of violence in the world. Will President Bush actually buy any measure of peace in the middle east with any of these deaths as President Carter did with peaceful diplomacy at Camp David? Is the world more peaceful or safe?

Christians and other Americans who have recently seen Mel Gibson’s film

“The Passion of the Christ” should ask themselves, does their nation more closely resemble a “Kingdom of God” with justice, forgiveness, and compassion as described by Jesus? One who would turn the other cheek and forgive those “who know not what they do”. Or does it more resemble the

Roman Empire – projecting itself through puppet governments, torture, occupying armies, and economic power all around the known world?

Five days a week we work, tithing almost ten percent of wages to our martial cause. On Sunday we come here, drop a few coins in the plate and occasionally talk and sing about peace.

As a frequent business traveler overseas – the reason why Arabs – and others including Jamaicans and Canadians resent us – is because of our “interventions”. With our World Bank, CIA, and active military – our meddling sows the fear and hatred that we reap – and our gluttonous consumption of resources and opulent wealth is the fertilizer.

In the last several years I’ve had the privilege to travel around the world in my work. In my travels, particularly in Saudi Arabia, I’ve found people open to discussing their image of our country and the relationship we have with them. I believe you would find the foreign press will reinforce my anecdotal reports that around the world the United States is perceived as a militaristic people who can be counted on to flex its muscle, often for peace, sometimes just to flex it.

But how can this be? Americans are the most diverse, generous, and freedom loving people on the planet. For every country we number among our enemies, we have substantial numbers of their descendents productively working among us. If we can be so closely allied with an absolute monarchy which permits no rights for women and no freedom of religion, there is no reason why we should not be able to find common ground with any nation on earth. Instead, our leadership seems to find new threats and new enemies for us daily.

This year we will spend almost a half trillion on our military. Around 100 billion of this is on the War in Iraq. Over ten billion is on strategic ballistic missiles. We will spend hundreds of billions more on the interest on prior military spending in the deficit. This amounts to half of the federal budget (omitting both veterans retirement and social security). By contrast we will spend almost $40 billion – less than 10% of the warfare budget – on foodstamps and welfare assistance programs. We will spend a recently cut $15 billion on NASA and about 135 million on renewable energy research.

Our military budget is not just more than the combined military budgets of pre-war Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, and Cuba – it is more than the combined gross national product of these countries. Even more amazing – our military budget is 40% of all military spending worldwide – significantly larger than the next ten largest military budgets in the world combined. Do any of these next ten military budgets represent our enemies? Even China in this number has “most favored nation” status.

Our “pseudo-governmental” economic powers also spend tens of billions on world bank loans that manipulate foreign governments by gaining economic control over them. And our CIA is involved in not just research, but active manipulation of governments in many regions. Manipulations which may have included assassination and coup. Manipulations which on several occasions have trained and armed those who would later threaten us – and who cause instability and fear in their regions.

Frankly – we are bullies – who force others to accept our version of what is “right for them” or “right for us” and enforce this with our might and money.

In the half century since World War II, we have built the Greatest Warrior Nation the world has ever known. We here in this room are responsible for the greatest warrior nation the world has ever known. We are responsible to the extent we have a democracy, and if we deny responsibility we are responsible for the decline in our democracy, and the pain that decline has inflicted on our world.

Who are our enemies? What do we fear? After the cold war, the greatest threat to America perhaps is terrorism, and our stealth bombers and aircraft carriers don’t protect us from this. In fact our image as the great bully makes us more vulnerable to terrorism.

In a sense, with our inappropriate level of military power and aggressive foreign policy, for small countries and political entities we are terrorists, and terrorism is an appropriate response.

Al Quaeda is not recent and not a Bin-Laden personality cult – this is a long standing organization which desires new government in Saudi Arabia. It is not a regime change our government sees in our best interest, and so we continue to support the Saudi monarchy. These revolutionaries, who have committed loathsome acts of international terrorism – have no self determination at the ballot box. And they have no recourse in part because of our support of their non-democratic process. Revolutions are always bloody and we share in responsibility for their actions because we have abandoned our ideals in their region.

Now more than ever, the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. Fear wich has become our national policy. A national policy of internal and external fear-mongering that is holding back and holding down our own economy.

Instead of reassurance to other countries, we exhibit arrogance and hypocrisy. Our elections are far from perfect – moneyed interests have too much influence. Our current President did not get a majority of the popular vote. We have serious social problems which indicate that in our quest for freedom we may have lost some of our spiritual and moral center. Our economic system has served to widen the gap between rich and poor. Even so, we are often gluttons – consuming too much food – too much energy – too much of our planet – often just for pleasure – and seeming to flaunt our blessings in the face of those with less – much less.

What about patriotism? Has my apparent cynicism about our world role destroyed my loyalty to America? No.

I hold in high regard the ideals of our nation – ideals of a people

– who were established holding that all are created equal

– who had the courage to cross oceans and climb mountains to settle uncharted territories

– who believed in self-determination and representative government and economic freedom

– who believed in community and were ruled by town meetings and helped their neighbors

– the nation that gave birth to Henry Thoreau, Jack Kerouac jazz and rock and roll.

– who had the ingenuity and dedication to walk on the moon

A people who have fought and died and sacrificed money and advantage for freedom – freedom which has brought us cultural wealth and yes, economic wealth beyond our wildest dreams. A people who have become the most diverse and free culture in the history of the planet – a celebration of human life.

But we have become a people that do not dream big and go boldly where no one has gone before. Rather we are becoming a people who fear the “unraveling” that we see tearing at other parts of the world. We worry that frequent terrorism, more rampant disease, more harsh poverty, and shortages will come here and threaten our families, our way of life, our “stuff”. We are called by our government, not to bravely endeavor together to solve our problems and the problems of the world, but to fear.

Have we become a people that rather than strive to rise ourselves and lead, have set ourselves to holding others down so that we may remain ontop? Can we do this and remain the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Rather than fear the unraveling by batting at everything that might be pulling on a thread – we Americans should start knitting.

Across a small bit of the Hudson Bay from the gaping hole in New York City which is reminder of a horrifying day stands the Statue of Liberty. In the nineteenth century, the statue was gift to the United States from France – recognizing our world leadership not military leadership in time of war – but a leadership of ideas authored, in part by our Unitarian predecessors Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Ralph Waldo Emerson among many others. Leadership which inspired others to struggle for their own freedom.

Today our world leadership includes violent movies and violent music, economic manipulation and intrigue, unethical corporations, weapons systems, standing armies and fear. What kind of monument will other countries build for us today?

Former President, and recent Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter reminds us: It is important for us to remember that the United States did not invent human rights – rather human rights invented the United States.

Perhaps it is time for us to return to and struggle to deserve this heritage.

President George H. Bush, the elder, has called the challenge presented by the “conspiracy” of globally organized terror “the greatest challenge any American President has faced since Lincoln”. That other Republican President, almost a century and a half ago, wrote something that haunts me: I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, financial interests have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. (endquote)

If you, like me, are willing to call corporate control of the American government and military a conspiracy of globally organized terror – then I think we can agree with both Presidents Bush and Lincoln.

I propose to face such a challenge, we will need true patriotism, the kind of patriotism that springs from a people whose government truly represents the diverse and moral people that they are. The patriotism of a people proud of our communal life and our relations with others. It is important that we reclaim a foreign policy not driven by self interest or even national interest – but a foreign policy that represents the highest values and cultural diversity of our great people.

After World War II, around the time of my birth, our society undertook the great struggle of the modern civil rights movement. Though incomplete, great progress has been made over the last half century. This effort has been fifty years in developing, it make take another fifty, but it is a struggle for the nation’s soul, and we are winning it. And this great struggle began right here – in the pulpits of Unitarian Univeralist and other churches. It began right here – in the hearts and consciences of our people.

I call us to a new struggle. One that is no less for our collective salvation and no lesser a task. This will not be easy. We will first have to reclaim our democracy from those with both the power of money and the power of lethal force and the proven willingness to use them.

Like the struggle for Civil rights – neither party in our political system will face this issue, unless forced. Those who run our country have proven that their loyalties are to these financial interests first and the rest of us somewhat later. John Kerry and the Democrats in convention were intentionally jingoistic, marching to a martial tune.

To do this, we must be patriotic in the traditional sense – we must be willing to assert our democratic right, nay our responsibility, of dissent. Because this will require no less than our “taking back” our foreign policy and demanding that it reflect our values.

It will require us to re-evaluate the costs to our society and psyche of our role as a great warrior nation and global bully.

It will require us to realize that freedom and self-determination mean that we have the patience to refrain from manipulating other countries to our ends with our money and intrigues so that they can govern themselves and participate as working peers, friends in our global community.

It will require us to insist on restraint that when it comes to defining our “national interests” and it will require us to insist on ethical behavior from our leaders.

It will require us as a community to take control of our military – and even more difficult – our CIA and World Bank

It will require us to speak our minds at the dinner table, water cooler, and here in the pulpit.

It will require us to march in the streets and vote at the ballot box.

It will require us to try and understand why people, not so very different from us, would die to attack us.

It will require us to, as we did in the middle part of the last century in the face of economic crises and World War to eschew fear and make examples of ourselves in the world – translating our character as a people into true world leadership

It will require us to reach out to other nations with trust, trade, and peace and not manipulation and fear.

It will require us to become true patriots that build an inspiring nation all can be proud of.

It will require us – as it did for Gandhi and King to go to jail in civil disobedience. and it will require us to find brave leaders who will risk all, even life itself, to realize change.

It will require us to see our enemies, not as such – but rather as human beings.

It will require us to live the Peace we sing about.

On Being a Morning Person

Don Smith

July 18, 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

PRAYER

Let our prayer be a prayer for remembrance.

Let us remember that today, like every day, is a holy day. It is a gift of time, freely given to all that lives. May we honor this day by using it well.

Let us remember that today, like every day, is a judgment day. It is a day with infinite opportunities to do either good or evil. May we choose to do the good and to fight the evil, so that, at the end the day, we may judge ourselves gently.

Let us remember that there are those among us today who hurt and whose pain takes away the gifts that others enjoy. May we do what we can to ease their pain.

Let us remember that there are those among us today who struggle with problems that may seem too big to manage. May we do what we can to lighten their load and help them on their way.

Let us remember that there are those among us who are lonely, even in the midst of the crowd. May we offer a kind word, a friendly smile, and the hope of new friendship.

Let us remember, again, that each day brings with it new opportunities. May we strive not so much to do more, but to do better.

SERMON

What does it mean to be a morning person? What I want to do this morning is try to describe a way of viewing the world that, to my mind, constitutes being a morning person. Bear with me if I seem to wander about; I think the picture will come into focus before I’m done, and I trust you to tell me if it doesn’t.

In his book with the audacious title How the Mind Works, Stephen Pinker posits that it is primarily through metaphors that we understand our world and I agree with him. I think this is especially true in areas outside the hard sciences, when it comes to contemplating our lives, what we’re doing with them, and the meaning we assign to things, independent of their concrete facts. Most all religious texts, poetry, great literature, and songs are filled with metaphors.

Since being a morning person is a metaphor of my own creation (although I’m sure I’m not the first to use it) we’ll consider some other, perhaps more familiar metaphors–along with some lesser-known personal favorites–to try to narrow in on my conception of what it means to be a morning person.

Let’s start with a metaphor from the New Testament; a metaphor used in two ways. The first is found in the Gospels. We’re told by these writers that Jesus once said to his disciples “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: For of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.”

The second comes from St. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians. He wrote “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

The same metaphor “that of being childlike” is used to express seemingly opposite ideas, as something to embrace and something to shun. But is that really the case?

Our responsive reading this morning was, to my mind, at least, an explication of Jesus’ words. If all people had the spirit of a child–if all people trusted, imagined, sang, received the beauty of the world without reservation, were filled with wonder and delight and a faith that could cure them of their cynicism and make them unafraid to need and to love’then I believe we truly would be living in the kingdom of God.

Looking at the larger context of the letter to the Corinthians, it becomes apparent that when Paul told the Corinthians that they must put away childish things he was speaking of childish, that is to say, overly simplistic views of the meaning of spiritual teachings. Spiritual teachings taken as literal truths lose their power to inspire us and lift us up. Instead, they become dead and suffocating things. They block our ability to see the world as Jesus would have us see it, with the wonder, honesty, and simplicity of a child. It’s like reading those words by Jesus and taking them to mean that heaven is a physical place peopled only by children. That really doesn’t provide a lot of hope or inspiration for those of us who have made it into adulthood, does it?

Having been raised in a fundamentalist Christian church–where the Bible is taken as literal truth, even in matters historical and scientific– I was taught, for example, that creation was a one-time event. God created the universe and everything in it over a period of six days. It’s been running its course according to God’s plan ever since, and it will be destroyed at some unknown point in the future. Our main concern in life should be making sure that when the world ends we’re part of the “elect”, meaning those who are destined for heaven. Heaven, in this worldview, is some distant place where all is perfect. And we can get there, but not in this life.

Now, contrast that view of things with the view expressed by Thoreau when he wrote in Walden that “The morning wind forever blows. The poem of creation is uninterrupted, but few are the ears that hear it. Olympus is but the outside of the world everywhere.” This is a radically different view than the one I was taught, is it not? Creation, rather than being an historical fact, is an ongoing process. Olympus’ home of the gods, or heaven is all around us. We need only wake up to that realization and live our lives accordingly in order to experience it. Heaven is, or can be, here, now.

The first attribute of a morning person is this: A morning person sees creation as an ongoing process in which he or she has a part to play. And the second attribute of a morning person is this: A morning person believes that his or her part is important and can have an impact on the world. These two attributes go hand in hand.

In her song “The Dream Before”, Laurie Anderson writes these words (and for what it’s worth, the scene is a conversation between Hansel and Gretel, who, we are told, are alive and well and living in Berlin):

She said, “What is history?”

And he said, “History is an angel being blown backwards into the future.”

He said, “History is a pile of debris, and the angel wants to go back and fix things, to repair the things that have been broken. But there is a storm blowing from Paradise. And the storm keeps blowing the angel backwards, into the future. And this storm, this storm, is called Progress.”

I think about those words quite a bit. It’s a wonderful image. It’s the way I see much of our human endeavors. While I agree that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, I sometimes think that we spend too much time analyzing and agonizing over the mistakes of the past, and not enough time dreaming about the future. I’m reminded of Bobby Kennedy when he said “There are those who look at things the way they are and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask ‘Why not?'” Those are the words of a morning person.

Many among us believe that all we need to do in order to make the world better is to go back to some earlier time, before we made some huge mistake or went off in some wrong direction. I suppose we all wish from time to time that we could go back and get a second chance at things.

And I think we’re all angels trying to fix things, but I believe we need to turn around and face the future. Rather than fighting progress, let progress be the wind at our back–the morning wind that forever blows, carrying us in the direction that we need to go. To quote Thoreau again, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.”

The third attribute of a morning person, then, is that he or she embraces the idea of progress. Even though we may question what true progress is–and that’s too broad a question to address in the time we have this morning–we must believe in our ability to move beyond where we are today, both individually and as a species. We must believe that a better future is possible, and that our dreams can be realized.

In every age there have been prophets of doom, people who see no hope for the future. Looking only at what’s wrong with the world, they give in to a cynicism that eats at the core of their faith, regardless of what it is that they have faith in. They overlook all the good that is done, daily, by the majority of people. They forget how many trials and tribulations humanity has endured, and how great some of those have been. It’s easy to do; too easy, I’m afraid.

Emerson, in an address to the Phi Beta Kappa society at Harvard and published under the title The American Scholar, said that we must have “the courage to call a popgun a popgun, though the ancient and honorable of the earth affirm it to be the crack of doom.” How many events have been declared the beginning of the end, if not the end itself, only to pass into history as nothing but another obstacle over which humanity has stepped in our long and steady progression through time. Marcus Aurelius, using another wonderful metaphor, said “History is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is it’s current; no sooner has a thing been brought into sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.”

A morning person embraces a spirit of optimism and fights against the cynicism that comes to us all too frequently, and all too easily.

This may sound like an overly simplistic, even naive view of things; a view that could only be embraced by Professor Pangloss. You remember Professor Pangloss? In Voltaire’s story Candide, Professor Pangloss is the teacher who asserts that “all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds.” But as Candide learns, through many trials and tribulations, his beloved Professor Pangloss is not correct. Everything is not for the best. In the final lines of the work, using yet another wonderful metaphor, Candide sums up what he has learned by saying that “we must cultivate our gardens.” And that brings us to a discussion of how a morning person conducts his or her life.

I’m a gardener, and I can tell you that any gardener knows, as they pull the weeds from their garden, that the weeds will return. It’s the way of the world, and not to be changed. But we pull the weeds anyway. Because to not pull the weeds is to abandon the garden, and this we cannot do.

A morning person continues to work for the good, not with the naive hope of eradicating evil, not because they believe they can solve all the problems of the world, but because it’s the thing to do. Bodil Jonsson, the Swedish physicist, writes in her book Unwinding the Clock “it doesn’t befit a human being to give up. The future is not some mountainside we’re all going to smash into. Nor is it some kind of precipice and we’re all going to fall off the edge. We’ll do what people have always done. We’ll try.” A morning person tries.

Winston Churchill was a morning person when he said to a group of elementary school students “Never, never, never give up.” Martin Luther King, Jr. was a morning person when he delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech.

A morning person holds fast to his or her belief that a better world is not only possible, but assured. The future is not something to fear, but to work for.

What kind of future do I want for myself and my children? What kind of world do I want to live in? What can I do to move in that direction? These are the questions that a morning person asks.

I have to confess that, although I am by nature a morning person in the literal sense, I sometimes have to work at being a morning person in the figurative sense. It’s not always easy, when I look around me and see some of the things going on in the world, to be a morning person. But that’s what I want to be, and it’s why I come here. I rely on you’on this community’to help me continue in the way of a morning person. And for that reason I also ask “What kind of future do I want for this church?” “What kind of church do I want to be a part of?” “What can I do to move us in that direction?”

What about you? What do you need in your life? In times of despair, where or from whom have you found strength?

I want to close with some words from the theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

Optimism is by its nature not a goal for the present situation but a life-force,

A force for hope when others give up,

A force for withstanding setbacks, a force that never surrenders the future to pessimism but rather requisitions it for hope.

He wrote those words while he sat in a German concentration camp, awaiting execution. He’d been sentenced to be hanged for his part in a plot to remove Hitler from power. Listen again to the words of a morning person.

Optimism is by its nature not a goal for the present situation but a life-force,

A force for hope when others give up,

A force for withstanding setbacks, a force that never surrenders the future to pessimism but rather requisitions it for hope.

I don’t know what else I could say.

When Winning Is The Only Thing

© Jim Checkley

July 11, 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

CENTERING

How do we define winning? It makes a difference.

Used to be that winning was not just about the scoreboard. Used to be that the scoreboard wasn’t the only thing. Can we still say that’s true?

From Little League to pro sports we hear again and again that losing hurts worse than winning feels good. Why is that? Why does losing hurt worse than winning feels good? Could it be that winning is expected, is the only thing, and winning is therefore more a relief than a joy, while losing is a dreaded, hated thing, just like the losers themselves?

When coaches say that their job is to bring out the champion in every player, are they speaking metaphorically or literally? Do you have to be a literal champion, win a championship, a gold medal, or is it OK to simply do your best, to become the best you can be?

If winning is about working to achieve success, and if success is, as the great UCLA coach John Wooden says, the piece of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you can be, then why are coaches and players fired, vilified in the press, booed, given death threats, and disrespected if they achieve success but still lose? Why is it that the great unifying principle for all these totured souls is losing?

Maybe it’s because Vince Lombardi was right: maybe its because when it comes time to walk the walk instead of talk the talk, when it gets down to brass knuckles and gut feelings, winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.

SERMON

I have been thinking about doing a sermon on sports and its impact on society for many years. But not as many years as I’ve known our own John Sanders. I’ve known John for almost the entire time I’ve been in Texas’going on 27 years. Last year John sent me some clippings from the newspaper about sportsmanship in Little League and sports generally and included a short note suggesting it was time to do a sermon on the obsession with winning that seems to be the hallmark of our culture. So here I am..

The article that John sent to me concerned a Little League baseball player who had broken some rules at home and whose parents had grounded him. Pretty typical. But then a strange thing had happened. Once the child explained to his friends that he was grounded and was going to miss a game or two as a result, the parents of the other children on the Little League team began calling and complaining to the grounded boy’s parents that his punishment wasn’t fair. The calls were many, frequent, and some were quite angry.

Why all the fuss? Well, the grounded child was the best player on the Little League team. Without him, it was much more likely the team would lose the games he was going to miss. This was so upsetting to the other players and their parents that they called to complain. So the parents of this child, in the aftermath, had written to one of those columnists who write about ethics to ask if they had done the right thing. Or was grounding their child wrong because the other children might, as a result, end up losing a Little League baseball game?

The columnist reassured the parents that they had done the right thing and spent most of his column complaining that the preoccupation with winning that seemed to grip the country had gotten out of hand. He lamented that the need to win, the desire to win, almost at any cost, and at any level, had become increasingly rampant and was becoming a real problem in our society.

The first thing I thought of reading that article was Green Bay Packer’s coach Vince Lombardi and his famous quote that “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing,” the quote from which I took the title of the sermon. If any single expression captures America’s obsession with winning, this is it. There are several sources on the Internet that claim that Coach Lombardi did not actually utter these words. But it doesn’t matter. Did Humphry Bogart say “Play it again Sam?” Did Carl Sagan say: “Billions and billions and billions?” Did Marshall McLuhan say: “The media is the message?” No, none of them did. But all these expressions are now American icons.

And while many individuals would dispute Coach Lombardi, and there are hundreds of articles claiming that winning is not the only thing, I think that the expression winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing has taken on a life of its own over the last 40 years. And while I do not blame Coach Lombardi directly for the escalation in the competitive environment in America and the obsession with winning that has accompanied it, the notion that winning is the only thing is, I believe, at the heart of many of the dilemmas we find in sports, business, culture, and society generally. Because I believe that we, as a society, have bought into that expression, and that it lies behind much of who we are and what we do as a culture.

I thought I would be doing a little sermon on the dangers of emphasizing winning to the exclusion of other important aspects of life, but I quickly realized that this is a huge topic, one that crosses many disciplines and aspects of culture. Indeed, it was a struggle to try to synthesize just a few aspects of this issue into a twenty-minute talk. For instance, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explore how American culture got to the point where winning a Little League game is so important it is worth challenging your neighbors’ choice of discipline or allowing a boy who is 2 years overage to play in order to win the Little League World Series, something that happened just a couple of years ago. Instead, I’d simply like to make a few observations on the effects of elevating winning to the status of the only thing and look at how this phenomenon is not limited to sports, but affects all we do.

I grew up in the 1960s and early 70s, a time when sports, while still a significant part of American culture, were not nearly as important or as available as they are today. Most people were content to deal with sports on the weekend on TV and check on the progress of the season in the paper or listen to the home team on the radio. Those of you under 30 might not believe it, but 40 years ago, one couldn’t just pop the TV on any given night and have a smorgasbord of sports waiting for the watching. There was no Monday Night Football, no superstation cable outlets, no magazines devoted to recruiting high school kids to college, no broadcasts of pro sports drafts, and, best of all from my point of view, sports had not yet degenerated into 24/7 sports talk radio and TV. Look, I love sports, played organized baseball, football, and basketball and ran track and cross country, but all this gossip about sports has really pushed me over the edge.

Can I just say the obvious: sports are a huge part of American culture. Major sporting events like the Superbowl, the World Series, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, Grand Slam tennis and Major golf events, the Triple Crown of horse racing, the Olympics, the World Cup, all these events and many more produce an almost continuous current of competition, triumph, and defeat that is at once iconic and in a sense, religious. If religion is that which binds us together, well, little binds the country together more than sports.

Since the creation of ESPN in 1979, sports have developed into one of the most powerful and dominant aspects of our culture. ESPN stands for the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network’although I often call it the ETERNAL Sports Programming Network’and is the single most important thing that happened to sports since the invention of the television. ESPN, Disney, and the American Broadcasting Company have common ownership: sports, fantasy, and television’what a combination.

Today players are paid not just in the millions, but in the hundreds of millions of dollars to play kids’ games for a living. Millions of fans metaphorically live and die by the success of their teams’and by success I mean winning and losing. And because of the proliferation and growth of sports, seasons have become extended, overlap, and never seem to end. Even when the teams aren’t actually playing, they are being talked about on thousands of outlets across the country. Sports in America have grown to the point where the personalities are almost as important as the games, where the culture is almost as important as the scores, and where, at every level, winning seems to be the paramount concern.

Jacques Barzun, the great Columbia University historian, commented years ago that to understand the American character one should understand baseball because that sport encompassed so much of what made America unique. I submit to you today that to understand the American character one should understand sports generally because our attitude towards sports reflects our attitude towards the rest of our culture. The way we play the games of our sports culture is, I think, reflective of how we will play the game of life.

We as a culture, as a society, have bought into the Vince Lombardi attitude about winning. American society, already competitive, already individualistic, has become obsessed with winning. In fact, Jerome Holtzman claims that “Losing is the great American sin.” There are many who would agree with him.

And while it may have started in the sports world, this attitude has spread to every aspect of culture, including business, law, and every corner of society. It is very different from the days when I used to go to the Boys’ Club of Clifton and there was a huge sign on the wall in the gym that said: “It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.” While everybody, including me, tried our best to win, and winning was important to us, make no mistake, my coaches for the most part displayed the attitude that if you gave your best, then the final score was not what was most important. I visited my old Boy’s Club’now the Boys’ and Girls’ Club’about 10 years ago and that sign was gone. And I frankly don’t expect them to put up another one any time soon.

The promotion of sports in our culture to the highest levels of importance and the growth of sports into a multi-billion dollar business has elevated winning to the point where it does seem to have become the only thing. This is a dangerous situation. I think we get in trouble when we are only focused on winning because eventually, everything else about the game becomes secondary or expendable. If winning is the only thing, how can there be room for anything else?

Sportsmanship is eventually sacrificed to winning; civility is sacrificed to winning; respect is sacrificed to winning; character is sacrificed to winning; playing by the rules is sacrificed to winning. All the reasons we are told sports are good for us fade away. Being honorable becomes a liability that many people question if not outright think is foolish. Like the heel of a shoe that wears down only gradually, so gradually that we don’t even realize it until we try on a new pair, all other aspects of competition slowly erode when winning is the only thing. And I’m not just talking about this happening in sports. This sort of phenomenon happens in business, in culture, in religion, in society, in any group where the emphasis on winning pushes other considerations aside. American culture has become, to an extent that I frankly have difficulty putting up with, a culture absolutely dominated by competition for everything and the attitude that winning is the only thing.

Having said that, I want to say that I don’t think that either competition or winning is necessarily a bad thing. My complaint goes more to a loss of perspective, to a loss of balance, and the ripple effect that occurs when society decides that winning is the only thing.

Let me give you an analogy to what I mean. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” That saying is often misquoted and people often forget the foolish part. But that is the key to the saying. What Emerson was telling us is that consistency for its own sake’a foolish consistency’is the hobgoblin. What I am saying is that when winning becomes the only thing, pushes everything else to the side, that is the hobgoblin.

Speaking of hobgoblin’s, one of my least favorite side-effects of winning at all costs is that it has turned us into a much less civilized society. When winning is the only thing there is a tendency to break the rules, to cheat, to develop an us/them attitude that leads to disrespect, meanness, unsportsmanlike conduct, and tends to dehumanize, if not demonize, the other side. In short, when winning is the only thing it is simply much less pleasant to play the game.

Let me share with you my least favorite, but most apropos, example of what I mean. It happened at a Westlake High School football game a few years ago. I forget who Westlake was playing that day, but I will never forget how a vocal group of parents and fans behaved. There was a player on the other team who was quite good and doing quite well. These Westlake fans, who were used to steam rolling opponents, were literally yelling for the Westlake players to hurt this kid so he could no longer participate in the game. I, like most of you, I’m sure, have heard foul mouthed fans at a game before. But for some reason, this particular behavior touched me more deeply than some other similar behavior I have seen. I was instantly both angry and depressed and I just sat there thinking: this is one of your neighbor’s kids. He’s one of us, a part of our community. And you want him hurt because he’s a good player and Westlake might possibly, God forbid, lose a game?

There are hundreds of stories like this from Little League parents who scream at the umpires, the coaches, and the players, to my own experience in the practice of law, which I (and my partners) have found has become much nastier over the 22 years I have practiced, to the escalation of road rage that we have all heard about if not experienced. It is this lack of civility on the road that most amazes me. Tens of thousands of people die on the roads each year and you’d think we could be civil to each other when our very lives are at stake. But that doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should. I mean, wouldn’t you think you were dreaming if some day you were driving to work during rush hour and all the people driving SUVs, Hummers, oversized pick-up trucks, and other urban assault vehicles yielded when the lanes were merging or didn’t speed up when you needed to change lanes, or just gave a wave of the hand in thanks when you yielded? Winning is the only thing tends to escalate competition to the point where it leads to tremendous stress and strain, whether we are talking about a softball game, a lawsuit, turning a corporate profit, or getting to work on time.

Because of our cultural focus on winning, of making winning the only thing, and the escalation of competition that accompanies it, I am coming to the conclusion that we do not actually live in a civilization anymore. Some years ago I coined a word for what I think our society is becoming: I call it a “competitivization” – a society where competition is the single most important and paramount feature of the culture, one where, increasingly, we act as if only winners matter and losers are soon forgotten. Competition in my view has simply swamped cooperation, and with it our sense of community, with one exception: people on the same team (‘us’) will cooperate against another team (‘them’). People complain that there is no sense of community anymore. Well, how in the world can there be when we emphasize so strongly the success of the individual, individual competition, winning, and have established such a strong win/lose and us/them society that we often don’t even act civilly to one another?

I’d like to shift gears here and look at another aspect of sports that I think has made its way into our culture, and not for the better. This is in the area of personal responsibility. What I suggest may not be as obvious as winning is the only thing, but see if it doesn’t ring true to you.

All sports have a referee or an umpire. In a sporting event, the players are used to allowing somebody else to take responsibility for what is right and wrong in the game. In this sense, in sports, the responsibility for playing by the rules has been externalized. While the player remains responsible for playing by the rules, he is not responsible for enforcing them. That role is delegated to the official. Players are not only encouraged to accept the judgment of an outside official on issues of fouls, in or out of bounds, and the like, the game requires that they do so. I think this externalization of responsibility has evolved to the point where players, ever eager and needing to win, have a mind set that allows them to feel comfortable if the official misses a call or botches a call that is in their favor because that is simply part of the game and the player need not take responsibility for it. And fans accept it too So while players, coaches, and fans will rant against calls that hurt their chances of wining, nobody complains when a blown call is in their favor. In fact, how weird would it have been if John McEnroe, infamous for his obnoxious arguments with officials who made calls he disagreed with, had argued just a vociferously if the umpire made a call that worked in his favor, even if he and everybody on his “side” knew it? That’s not his responsibility. If a call is missed, that responsibility lies with the official, not the player.

Now, you can talk about sportsmanship, and in the movie Bagger Vance, the golf pro calls a foul on himself, and thus costs himself the match, but when winning is the only thing, how can an ordinary person afford to call a foul on him or her self? Especially in the modern era when millions upon millions of dollars are at stake, if a receiver catches a game winning touchdown in the Superbowl, and he knows he was out of bounds, but the referee didn’t see it and the instant replays don’t show it, how can we ever expect him to fess up? Lots of people would think he was an idiot to fess up. Moreover, even more insidiously, it is simply not his job, don’t you see, to make that call. It’s the referee’s job and the player not only can, but must, abdicate personal responsibility to that referee. It’s not the player’s fault; it’s the referee’s.

I believe we have expanded this externalization of responsibility for our actions that is required on the playing field to culture in general to the point where we no longer see ourselves as the primary enforcer of the rules of the game, and moreover, if we break the rules and are not caught, then it’s not our fault. The fault lies with the referees, as it were, for failing to catch us.

I’d go so far as to say that in many ways, we have, as a culture, externalized responsibility for our actions to the point where many people act as if unless one is caught, then there is no harm. I mean, if the umpire blows a call, or misses a call, we accept it and move on with the game and it’s not the player’s responsibility to call a foul or an out of bounds on him or her self and fix it. So why not in life? After all, it’s the job of the police, or the SEC, or the FBI, or our boss, or our spouse, or somebody else, to discover our flaw, mistake, error, or violation. If they don’t, well, then let the game go on.

I have an expression for this phenomenon as well: I call it “no foul, no harm.” Anybody who has played pick-up sports knows the expression, “no harm, no foul.” It means that even if you technically broke the rules, we won’t stop play because what you did, did not affect the play. There was no harm. But now, many people seem to act like the rule should be “no foul, no harm.” The notion is that unless we are caught, then there is no harm’it’s just part of the game. The breaking of the rules becomes not so much an issue of character or ethics, but one of simple practicality. What matters is not how you played the game, but whether you were caught. And if you can break the rules in ways that allow you to have less chance of getting caught, so much the better. Let me sum this up with a question: If NFL linemen are taught how to hold without getting caught, something that many sports commentators not only claim, but seem to admire, then is it any wonder if our kids think it’s OK to cheat so long as you don’t get caught?

The attitude of winning at all costs, and with it, kicking up competition several notches, along with the externalization of responsibility for one’s actions, combine to create real problems for anybody who dislikes the culture of winning and wants to behave civilly, ethically, and do the right thing. The problem is that when everybody is playing by a set of rules that implicitly condones the notion that winning is the only thing, what do you do if winning means having to cheat, or behave belligerently, or hurt some kid from up the street, or ignore the rules? As was noted in the reading today from the New York Times, the problem of rampant breaking of the rules in order to win in a highly competitive market is being perceived in the business world as a real problem. When winning is the only thing, when competition gets out of hand, then whatever gives you a competitive advantage is OK. And if everybody else is doing it, then what choice do you have?

Look, what the writer of the Times’ business editorial I read earlier today is saying is no different in theory from one of us telling a policeman who has pulled us over for speeding that we were just going with the flow of traffic. Were you doing 80 in a 65 zone? Sure you were, but you have just externalized responsibility for breaking the speed limit. The traffic made me do it, you say. And you have a point’especially if all that traffic swooping past you makes you feel unsafe limping along at the posted speed limit. That’s why this is such a tough issue.

But let me raise the stakes. If the CEO of a major corporation says yes, I was breaking a few rules, but the market made me do it, are you going to be sympathetic to him or her? Are you going to cut him or her the same slack you cut yourself on the highway when you consciously decided to speed to keep up with the traffic? Probably not. But all that CEO was doing was conducting business with the flow of ethics and doing what was necessary to win.

Or, then again, you might say, with some cynicism, that his big mistake was getting caught. You might see this like the NFL linemen who are taught how to hold and decide that the CEO simply was not good enough and got caught’lost’which is the ultimate sin. I’ve heard many people in business, politics, and other non-sports environments say: “his big mistake was getting caught.” And I ask you: what’s up with that expression? It implies that it’s OK to cheat, to do whatever it takes to win, so long as we don’t get caught. It’s a perfect example of my expression,”no foul, no harm.” Everything is OK because we have externalized our responsibility for our choices. Everything is OK because winning is the only thing and this will help us win. I think that this, right here, is one of the real challenges of American culture.

Given these challenges, if we care about winning but don’t have any desire to compromise our principles and integrity in the process, what do we do? I’ll be blunt with you and say that in the absence of a cosmic umpire, it is sometimes very difficult to justify playing by the rules when nobody else does. It just depends on what ends up being important to you’which is, of course, very Unitarian. But I reiterate that if you decide to take a stand, if you believe that winning is not the only thing, that there are other things that matter just as much if not more, then you need to understand that doing the right thing can cost you’sometimes a lot’especially when everybody else, or nearly everybody else, is cheating and not just getting away with it, but is somehow, in a perverse way, encouraged to cheat by the very competitive environment we ourselves have created.

Those of you who know me, know I can’t do a sermon without a pop culture reference. So if you want to know what price sometimes has to be paid for doing the right thing, then I’d suggest you go see Spider-Man 2. The first hour of that film is about the following question: when you have great power and you take great responsibility as a result, what are the consequences? We see in the movie that being Spider-Man, of doing what’s right, takes a great toll on Peter Parker, who is failing school, being fired from his jobs, has let down his Aunt May, and has pushed the love of his life to the breaking point. Peter has a miserable life being Spider-Man, but he does the right thing, even at the risk of his life and happiness.

I don’t have any magic cure for this mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. In fact, on some level, while I don’t necessarily recommend it, I think a reasonable person could sometimes decide that driving with the flow of traffic, as it were, is the best thing to do. After all, one of the single most potent images of fairness in our culture is the notion of the level playing field. And if enough people are cheating, and most everybody knows it, then cheating somehow becomes fair because it levels the playing field. But it also perpetuates and tends to escalate the cycle. Ultimately, while there may be short term gains, the long term outlook is bleak.

But because I simply cannot let myself end a sermon on a down note, let me conclude by suggesting some hope by way of an analogy. I think of being ethical and of doing the right thing in the same way that I think of recycling. No one person can make recycling work. But if everybody recycles even as little as one can a day, then suddenly, we have mountains of cans. Only almost nobody ever sees the mountains of cans; we simply have to have faith that they exist and thus resolve to do our part. I think the same thing applies here: we each have to make our small contributions to doing what’s right, being ethical, whatever that might be in any situation, and have faith that it matters in the larger scheme, even though none of us may ever see the mountain of cans.

But more than this, even if there is no mountain of cans, even if nobody else follows, we might just free ourselves a little bit from the belief that winning is the only thing. It isn’t you know and the belief that it is tends to have a corrupting and harmful influence on both individuals and society. But it sometimes takes real courage to find that out. It takes being willing to “lose once in a while for a deeper cause” including the cause of finding and honoring that champion all those coaches tell us lies inside each of us and winning beyond the scoreboard in a way that matters to us all.

Presented July 11, 2004

First Unitarian Universalist Church of Austin

Austin, Texas

Version 2: Expanded for Print

Copyright 2004 by Jim Checkley

All Rights Reserved

Daily Practice Makes Perfect

© Jonobie Ford

27 June 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

PRAYER

Heaven is not reached in a single bound,

But we build the ladder by which we rise

From the lowly earth to the vaulted skies,

And we mount to its summit round by round.

I count this thing to be grandly true:

That a noble deed is a step toward God –

Lifting the soul from the common clod

To a purer air and a broader view.

SERMON: Daily Practice Makes Perfect

Jack Kornfield’s book, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, tells of a young man returning to the West. For the past twelve years, the man has been living a devoted religious life in India and Tibet. He’s in for a bit of culture shock in this re-integration; instead of strict schedules of meditation, intense daily focus on religion, and a community of similar believers, he finds himself lost and adrift in his old, chaotic world. Old patterns of living come back suprisingly quickly. He becomes irritable, confused, and angry. He starts worrying about money. And he begins to wonder whether he’s lost all that he’s learned in these past twelve years. And suddenly, in a flash of inspiration, he realizes:

“I can’t live in some enlightened memory. Spiritual practice is only what I’m doing, right now. Anything else is a fantasy.”

“Anything else is fantasy” — what a strong statement! But I think he’s got it right: Our religion is what we do, each and every day. And one way to focus on what we want to do, to make our daily decisions while keeping in mind these ultimate concerns in life, is to spend time with our religion each day.

I say “daily”, although perhaps “frequent” is a better term. Not all of us can or want to make time for daily practice. But daily practice need not be something that’s eternal. Like many things, some seasons of our lives may call for more focus on religion than others. Daily practice has many benefits, and trying it for a couple of weeks, or months, or even years, can produce some suprising results.

I had a somewhat impromptu daily practice a couple of months ago while writing my affirmations of faith. Each evening for several weeks prior to the service, I sat down at my computer, lit a small candle that I frequently use for rituals, and tried to compose understandable descriptions of what I believed.

The act of dedicating time to religion each evening made me go through the next day thinking about ways I could implement my religious beliefs. It sounds so simple, but I really think that doing a daily practice helps me be a nicer person. I start thinking about how others fit into the breath of life, and how we’re all in this together, and I’m more likely to see people as, well, people, and not just roles.

While I was writing my first affirmation of faith, I was also at a very busy point in my project at work. There was a coworker who had been frustrating me for the past couple of months. One day, after he had just complained to my boss’ boss about a decision I’d made, I was venting about this to my office mate. I actually stopped mid-word in my rant as my brain bubbled “Wow, you’re a hypocrite!” to the surface of my thoughts. Here I was, each evening, writing up lofty ideas about people being part of the breath of life, and how we’re all in this together, and yet, during the day, I hadn’t noticed that this guy was just like me. I’d just been seeing him as this thing that was in my way — not as a person who was just trying to do his job the best he could, just as I was. I might have thought of that without my daily practice, but I’m not so sure. I certainly hadn’t thought of it up until that point — this was not my first rant. And after this mid-rant revelation, I began to interact with him differently, and to actually listen to him, rather than to have my first reaction be annoyance. We ended up being allies, if not exactly friends, by the end of the project.

Daily practice looks different for different people. One couple I know prays a rosary together daily. Another person, a chronic insomniac, meditates each night when she wakes up and can no longer sleep. Yet another person speaks of studying Hebrew and religious scripture each day. My husband and I take turns saying grace at dinner. We all do our practice differently, but the sentiment is the same: Alone, or with others, we spend some time each day reminding ourselves about the ideas we hold most dear.

Regardless of exactly what the practice looks like, it’s clear a lot of people use a daily religious practice, or at least think it’s a good idea. I did a Google search on the phrase “daily spiritual practice” and came up with over 800,000 hits. That’s a lot of talk about daily practice!

Here, in a UU organization, we don’t seem to talk about daily religious practice much. I’m not sure why that is; it may be because we shy away from the notion of doing things that are overtly religious, or it may be because many of us don’t see any value in it. After all, much of the world talks about daily religious practice in terms that don’t work for some of us, by talking of making offerings to Gods, praying, and so forth. It may also just be because we’re busy people and don’t feel we have the time.

But daily religious practice holds a lot of value, even for followers of a liberal religion. There are a whole host of benefits that come from spending part of each day focusing on whatever it is that brings you here, to this church. Is there something you used to do that you don’t anymore, such as journaling, writing, poetry, praying, or taking a morning walk? Maybe it’s time to think about picking it back up again. Summer, with its more relaxed pace, is a great time to return to a daily practice.

While I was preparing for this service, Davidson shared with me an old preacher’s story. In it, two people are talking after church.

One says: “That sermon didn’t have much in it. In fact, most sermons don’t have much in them. I don’t know why I keep coming.”

And the other person replies, “Yes, I’ve found that meals are that way, too. Each one, taken by itself, doesn’t have too much. But if I skipped them all, I don’t think I’d do well. So I’ve decided that the effect of worship services, like the effect of meals, isn’t to seek feasts, but to get in the habit of nourishing myself regularly.”

There’s actually some good, solid evidence that frequent spiritual nourishment is good for us. Although the highly hyped studies describing the value of remote prayer (where other people pray for you) are scientifically suspect, there is evidence that frequent personal practice is healthy. For instance, one study of 1,000 seriously ill men in Veterans Administration hospitals found that “religious coping” — a method that includes frequent personal prayer — decreased depression. In another study, overseen by Duke University researchers, subjects who both attended worship services and prayed had lower blood pressure than a control group. Participants who prayed or studied the Bible daily were 40% less likely to have high blood pressure. Some people might claim that this study somehow proves Christianity’s correctness; given that I found similar studies for meditation and chanting, I’m inclined to say it’s the practice of focusing on religion each day, regardless of exactly what that practice is. Well, almost. An interesting tidbit from that same study: “Those who frequently watched religious TV or [listened] to religious radio actually had higher blood pressures.” I’m not surprised; Jerry Falwell makes my blood pressure rise, too.

At-home religious practice is also helpful for those of us still deciding what religious ideas to make our own. It gives us a safe place to try out and test different ideas. For me, my daily practice has helped refine my theology. For example, I’d always been dubious about praying for other people. After all, I believe that my Gods rarely, if ever, interact with the world in material ways.

When I first began following a daily practice, I found it easiest to use a book of daily devotions.[1] All the devotions in the book include a section for prayers for other people — for example, one directs the reader to pray for people who pollute the earth, while another one suggests praying for those who are refugees or without a home. When I began, I almost skipped doing them. I decided to temporarily leave the prayers in, figuring I shouldn’t remove them on the basis of previous prejudices.

I later realized I didn’t want to remove them. I still didn’t really think praying caused any sort of supernatural action in the lives of the people I was praying for, but prayer had become a way of focusing my attention. In fact, after praying for people, I felt more compassion for those I had prayed for. I wanted to interact with, support, honor, or help them in real ways, not just by thinking about them in the solace of my home. I tried to reduce my pollution by cultivating a worm bin in my apartment, and it now turns most of my previously-discarded kitchen scraps into compost. I also became more involved here at the church, both personally and financially. And I realized that any practice that takes my faith from inside my head into action in the world is a practice that’s powerful and worth retaining, regardless of my discomfort with the word “prayer”.

Daily practice is also just practice at being religious. Just as practicing a piano piece can ingrain the memory of it into your fingers, practicing being religious helps set it into you more firmly. When I first began a daily practice, I was at a really tumultuous time in my life. I was beginning my first job, and I had no idea if I was doing what I wanted to do. I don’t know if it’s this way for everyone, but my first job was when it really hit me — I suddenly knew what “the daily grind” meant. Dilbert, once somewhat incomprehensible, suddenly became hilarious. It sounds hopelessly naive now, but I really think I had the idea that a person went comfortably from out of school into a dream job, and would automatically become a highly respected member of the workforce. Instead, I was hurtling into a whole new world, I was off the tidy little life-plan I had devised for myself, and I was terrified.

Looking back, I can see that if religion is “what I’m doing now”, in the words of the Buddhist Lama, I didn’t have much of a religion at all those days. And even then, I realized that I needed a way to center myself, and to focus on who I was and what was important to me, every day. It felt like I was in danger of losing that, otherwise. My daily practice became part of the “ladder that took me to a broader view”, that reminded me that there was more to life than driving to work, working a long day, and driving back home, exhausted.

In the beginning, daily practice was relatively easy, particularly because it started shortly after I began seriously exploring religion. There was so much new information to read, absorb, and try, that my practice naturally was frequent and enthusiastic. But once my religion and my job become more comfortable, it was harder. While there was still much to learn and absorb, the freshness and enthusiasm began to fade. But I also realized that, in the words of the Lama returning to the west, religion isn’t some memory of past enlightenment — or memory of freshness and enthusiasm, it’s what I’m doing now, each and every day.

I’m told that our hunter-gatherer ancestors would often go without food for days, and then gorge themselves when they had a successful hunt. Like the people in Davidson’s story, it’s easy to slip into thinking about religion in this way, as though we’re waiting for one really good sermon to feed us for a month. But our ancestors realized that it was better to get in the habit of eating small daily meals, just as we still do, and it keeps us nourished all the time. Maybe part of being always nourished is to bring our religion out of the realm of what Kornfield’s Lama calls “fantasy” and down to the earth in our daily lives.

I haven’t tried to feed you a huge feast today, and I’m not sure I’d know how. Nor have I wanted to offer you “fast food”. I wanted to bring you some spiritual appetizers — a little nourishment for your souls on this hot summer day. Maybe it’s a little like Chinese food, and you’ll be hungry again in a few hours. I hope so. Because if we all keep coming back for Sunday snacks, we might grow into the habit of eating spiritual food between meals. And in the long run, you know, that’s a lot like living at a feast.


 [1] Celtic Devotional: Daily Prayers & Blessings, by Caitlin Matthews

Tolerance – Annual Youth Service

© Davidson Loehr

Ian Reed

Will Boney

13 June 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

CENTERING

Ian Reed

In the presence of the power of this congregation,

 In the presence of the warming chalice,

 We gather here to search and to reflect,

 On the beauty and power in this room.

HOMILY: Tolerance

Ian Reed

We gather here today, in this room, in front of this chalice, as a congregation of Religious liberals looking for a greater truth. And right here in front of us is one of the most powerful symbolic lesson to be found on that search, our chalice. While it’s origins as pertaining to our faith are rather spiritually empty, being more or less the winner of a glorified design contest, it still remains that the chalice is one of the most potent religious symbols for any faith. As the oldest recorded symbol for the feminine, the chalice is here to remind us of one of the most important lessons our faith yearns to teach us. That of respecting all of humanity as you respect yourself. One of our strongest principals is to respect the inerrant worth and dignity of every person. Regardless of race, sexual orientation, economic status, or religious affiliation, we have a sacred duty to respect all life, regardless of our disagreements.

The power of this symbol, the power of creation, acceptance, and nurturing, serves as a reminder to us all. This symbol is here to remind us that when we grasp those ideals of tolerance, we have the age old power of the chalice within us.. We must not think of someone’s origins, someone’s family past or religious orientation, we must only think of them as people, for they were all created just like that flame. Gently cradled, and given the spark of life to dance with. This symbol of creation is a reminder to us all that true life comes from this cradling, from this nurturing of the flame. Whether in turn the flame is oil or candle, the person Christian or Jewish, the chalice, the mother gives life to all unconditionally. This is our gift, this is our calling.

My favorite example of that is the biblical story of the good Samaritan. The story goes that there was a man on his way from Jerusalem to Jericho and on his way he unfortunately encountered a band of robbers. These robbers stole all the man’s possessions and beat him to within an inch of his life. So there the poor man lay on the road, while a day’s worth of commuters pass by his way. Much time had passed after the beating when all of a sudden, a kind stranger, identified by Jesus as a friendly Samaritan took it upon himself to help the near dying man. The Samaritan took up the man, bandaged him, bathed him, took him on his back, brought him to the nearest inn, and looked after him for the rest of the day. When the kind Samaritan had to leave the next day, he left two silver pieces with the inn master for the care of the injured man, promising also to repay the innkeeper if the man’s care cost any more. The moral of this story seems to be a simple one of helping your fellow man, but it goes much deeper than that. You see, that Samaritan was not just anybody, for at the time, the Samaritan’s were waging a violent war against the Jews. Thus the lesson herein is much more profound.

Regardless of opinion, regardless of past experience, we must treat all who we encounter with the same tender care. Blood, birth, belief, neither of these truly define a person, or give any justification for harm. The beauty of this story is that it admits this folly, admits the folly of war, the stereotype that all enemies are enemies, that all soldiers are soldiers, even off the battlefield. Respecting the inerrant worth and dignity of every person is just that. We must truly be unconditional with our kindness, for not every Muslim is a terrorist, not every Baptist preaches hellfire and brimstone, not every Catholic is anachronistic, not every Christian wishes to convert us, and not every American is a violent sadist. We must see beyond the labels we create, and respect the person behind them.

The Samaritan was at war with the Jews, and yet he was able to put aside any anger, any prejudice, and simply helped a man in need. The Samaritan did not see the man as a so, as an enemy, as a threat, he just saw a man in need. This is our power as religious liberals. We have the power to see the wonderful myriad of spiritual pathways out there with an unfettered spirit, an unbound mind, and an unobstructed vision. We have no creedal right and wrong, we draw members from all spiritual pathways, from all callings, and we have a gift to see the entire world in that light. We are the Samaritan, we are not bound by thoughts of religious predestiny, of a hell or heaven, we can just see all the world, and all its myriad paths as just that. We can rightly give life to anyone, for that is our strongest calling.

Watching the world like this, without pre-existing fear, hatred, misunderstanding, is our highest good. This is the Samaritan’s true lesson. That when it comes down to every day, to our daily lives, the only thing that matters is seeing past what we are trained to see, and see the man behind the prejudice. We cannot label people by our preconceived notions. Then we become every other passerby we become the ones who let the beaten man lie in the road and die. Our thoughts do have that power. Every time you avoid a Christian because of fear of conversion, you are abandoning them, and denying them crucial companionship. Every time a stranded truck intimidates you a little too much just because of a visible confederate flag, you are denying a man the help he needs. Every time you don’t attend a dinner party with a Hasidic friend for fear of ‘unhealthy’ dinner conversation, you are leaving a good friend based on mere thoughts. We have the power to do many great things with our love, if we can only lean to give it without fear, prejudice, without hesitation. Our greatest gift as a congregation is our love, is our commitment to respecting and understanding the views of all people. If we are willing to accept the lesson of this age old story, and embrace the power of tolerance, of acceptance and understanding, we have the power to be a congregation of good Samaritans, the warmth of the life giving chalice, and when we live up to that potential, let the light of our acceptance shine, we relive that greatness, that warmth, that life saved.

HOMILY: Tolerance

Will Boney

A recent search for tolerance found an organization called Fight Hate and Promote Tolerance. This project has countless resources for someone trying to find out about tolerance. It contains countless examples of tolerance in the news: gay marriage in Massachusetts, the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education, etc. And our society has taken large steps towards being a tolerant society in recent years. I recall watching Philadelphia a couple of weeks ago with my parents. For those of you who don’t know it is the story of a young lawyer, Andrew Beckett, who is fired when it becomes apparent that he has become infected with HIV and is therefore, according to the stereotypes of the time, gay. The amazing thing about the movie was the huge amount of change that has occurred with the way normal people in society view HIV and homosexuals. Instead of, as in the movie, it being difficult to find a lawyer willing to represent Beckett due to his homosexuality, the opposite would now be true. My parents and I were amazed when we realized that this movie was made in 1993, a scant 11 years ago. This increase in tolerance has shown up in a myriad of areas, too numerous mention here, from the societal classics of race, religion, etc… to the more mundane aspect of tolerating people who are different from us in our individual, everyday lives. This increase in tolerance has definitely been a good thing. Tolerance is important on two levels: first, the tolerated gain by being tolerated. By being tolerated, they can be accepted into a community and society. As social beings, this acceptance is key to many people’s happiness and self-actualization. The second benefit of tolerance is to the tolerating society on a whole. The tolerance increases the diversity of the society, which countless studies and authorities claim increases some overall quality.

But does this tolerance truly extend to everyone? The previously mentioned organization to Fight Hate and Promote Tolerance reported on many other news stories, including one regarding an ad campaign that was attacking a proposed reality show called “Amish in the City.” The news story sided with the ad campaign, but, to me, this seems the opposite of their declared position for tolerance. The attacking of the proposed show is very intolerant, and yet an organization to promote tolerance supports it. The explanation is easily understandable the show is accused of mocking the Amish, an intolerant act but this position exposes a contradiction, or at least an ambiguity in any doctrine of tolerance. There are likely to be people who do not accept tolerance in all things. How does a tolerant person deal with this? One cannot attempt to force tolerance on them because this goes against the very core idea of tolerance. There seems to be no action or inaction that can be taken by a tolerant person to end this intolerance. They must simply tolerate it. But a tolerant person cannot easily in good conscience ignore them because the intolerance is so offensive. That is one of the great challenges of tolerance: how to tolerate the intolerant.

Another huge challenge of the tolerant is to tolerate everyone. This, I believe, is the biggest obstacle to complete tolerance. Everyone has their morals and ethics; these are the rules people live by that give them guidelines for what they can do and what they can’t do. Tolerance is easy when it is an act that ones morals agree with, still easy when one finds it not too offensive. But how many of us can tolerate the things that we find the most offensive in the world? How many of us are tolerant towards murderers? Rapists? Child molesters? The list goes on. For that is the true test of tolerance: think of the most disgusting, offensive act you can and see if you can tolerate a person that commits that act with no remorse.

And is tolerance really enough? Because tolerance only means that, well, you tolerate it, that you allow it to happen around you and in your community without taking action against it. Tolerance in no way means that you like it, that you encourage it, or that you support those who you tolerate. Instead, you need only ‘grin and bear it’ for tolerance. But is this really what we want in society? A bunch of people who go around merely tolerating each other? Does that really constitute a community, or merely an assortment of people? Acceptance seems more desirable, but much more difficult to achieve. Acceptance would give us a real society, but less diversity. Although the amounts of both can increase some over time, there does seem to be a definite tradeoff between the amount of community and the amount of diversity. Which one is more important is a choice that people will have to make for themselves, but it seems as though we cannot have both.

Watertight Integrity

© Matt Tittle

22 February 2004

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

Listen to the sermon by clicking the play button.

READING

As we embark on the subject of integrity this morning, I’d like to start with a reading from early 19th century Universalist minister Hosea Ballou, which I believe, illustrates a liberal religious understanding of integrity:

“I know it is frequently contended that we ought to love God for what God is, and not for what we receive from God; that we ought to love holiness for holiness’s sake, and not for any advantage such a principle is to us. This is what I have often been told, but what I never could see any reason for, or propriety in. I am asked if I love an orange; I answer I never tasted of one; but then I am told I must love the orange for what it is! Now I ask, is it possible for me either to like or dislike the orange, in reality, until I taste it? Well, I taste of it and I like it. Do you like it? says my friend. Yes I reply, its flavor is exquisitely agreeable. But that will not do, says my friend; you must not like it because its taste is agreeable, but you must like it because it is an orange. If there be any propriety in what my friend says, it is out of my sight.”

SERMON

This subject of integrity is a complex one, but at the same time, quite simple. Everyone is FOR integrity, everyone wants to HAVE integrity, everyone demands integrity from others.

When something big is at stake or of ultimate importance, then we insist on integrity. We want our leaders to have impeccable character, we want corporations, and government, and schools, and the church to be institutions that are beyond reproach. But when it comes to the small things, well, then it might be ok to stretch the rules. We learn to fib rather than hold fast to our principles if we believe their might be some benefit, or we don’t think anyone else will suffer. The old adage of “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” is a familiar one. So what if I stretch the truth a little on my income taxes. So what if I was undercharged. So what if they gave me back too much change. So what if I speed a little. Nobody is getting hurt, are they?? Integrity is easy to think about, but I believe it is more difficult in practice. Maybe we don’t spend enough time figuring out HOW to have integrity.

So, today I will talk about several aspects of living a life of integrity. These are maintaining wholeness, freedom as a fundamental value, acting on the courage of our convictions, and the willingness to take risks. Wholeness, freedom, courage, and risk. These are all central to integrity in our spiritual and personal lives.

First, we will deal with wholeness. By definition, integrity is the act of maintaining wholeness. Integrity shares the same Latin root as the word integer, or whole number. A person of integrity is a whole person. There’s an interesting 19th century form of the word that illustrates this point. It is “Integralism,” which means “the belief that one’s religious convictions ought to dictate their social and political actions.” – Integrating the religious, social and political aspects of our lives. This is maintaining wholeness.

While we are thinking about definitions . . . I’ve often used the word integrous as an adjective to describe the quality of having integrity. But I’ve noticed that no one else ever uses this form.

Being the educational product of the South Carolina public school system, I often question my own grasp of the English language. You won’t find “integrous” in any American dictionary. But, it is in the Oxford English Dictionary – as an obsolete and rare form. How ironic, or how unfortunate, that we don’t have a commonly used adjectival form of integrity in English. So I will continue to use integrous, in my own hope that it comes back into to our common vocabulary.

So, we have the first concept of wholeness. The second aspect of integrity, especially in liberal religion, is the concept of freedom. Freedom is at the core of Unitarian Universalism. We have emerged from the free church tradition — rejecting prescribed doctrines and creeds, while simultaneously affirming freedom of belief and freedom of association. In 1960, on the eve of the consolidation of Unitarianism and Universalism in the U.S., Rev. David Parke, Unitarian historian and then minister of the Unitarian Church of Peterborough, New Hampshire, addressed the issue of integrity in Unitarian Universalism in a series of sermons. He noted that some of us find fulfillment in the fact that we are free. Others of us find fulfillment not in freedom, but in faith. For the first group, faith is the means to a life of integrity, freedom is the end. For the second group, freedom is the means, faith is the end. Parke said in 1960 that humanists fell into the first category, while Unitarian Christians fell in the second category. He said that Unitarian Universalists – then a new breed – fell somewhere in between. Faith, freedom, and fulfillment — three aspects of integrity for a liberal religious faith; not unlike “Integralism” and integrating the religious, social, and political aspects of our lives. The elegance of Unitarian Universalism is that we are not boxed into absolute categories when it comes to freedom, faith, and fulfillment.

This brings me to the third primary element of integrity – the courage of our convictions. We have addressed the essence of integrity -which is wholeness. We have addressed core of integrity in liberal religion, which is freedom. The courage of our convictions addresses the question of HOW we live integrous lives.

In his book, titled Integrity, Stephen Carter explains that living an integrous life requires discerning what we believe is right and what we believe is wrong. At the foundation of integrity is our values system. Values systems are represented by our emphasis on freedom, by our seven Unitarian Universalist principles, by the Torah and the Talmud of Judaism, by the gospel teachings of Jesus for the Christian and so on, as each religious tradition has tried to discern that which is of utmost importance.

Beyond knowing what we believe, integrity includes acting on our convictions, even at personal risk. Our own UU principles are a covenant to affirm and promote – these are actions which we agree in principle to take on.

The courage of our convictions also includes articulating our faith — openly saying that we are acting on our understanding of right and wrong. Even if our saying so is unpopular. We must be willing to tie our actions to our principles and say “I’m doing X because I believe Z.” This is what Hosea Ballou was trying to illustrate in his example of loving an orange. We don’t do things because we are told to, or for the sake of doing them. Living with integrity means that we understand what we believe, have the courage to act on our beliefs, and are able to articulate our convictions even in the face of criticism and disagreement with others.

I spent many years being openly critical of Christianity because I felt that its foundation was weak. But when I truly came to understand what I believed as a Unitarian Universalist, I realized that I could not, with integrity, dismiss Christianity or any other belief system that has as its basic assumption the goodwill of everyone. I recognized that Christianity was central to the lives of my mother and father in law, and that they are the most integrous and most service oriented people I know. I know what I believe and why. I act on my convictions. I let others know why I am doing so, but I must also hear and accept the differences and whys of others’ beliefs.

So, now we have expanded our definition of integrity beyond the idea of wholeness, beyond seeing integrity in our value of freedom, to conviction in understanding right and wrong, acting on those convictions, and being able to articulate our faith.

But we are not finished yet. I’d like to add the idea of risk-taking to our understanding of integrity, especially as it relates to liberal religion. My experience with risk-taking comes from an unlikely source, but I find a certain synchronicity it all of it.

I’ve been keeping you in suspense with the title of this sermon – Watertight Integrity. I learned about risk taking as a component of integrity in the Navy. I spent 11 years as an active duty Naval Officer, and recently retired from the Naval Reserve. Four and a half of my 20 years of service were aboard ships. In ships and submarines, WATERTIGHT integrity is essential. Without it, the ship risks sinking. Each door and hatch is lined with a rubber seal, treated with petroleum jelly and tested periodically for its integrity. This ensures that there won’t be any leaks into the next compartment in the event that one side is flooded. Some compartments are called voids and they stay constantly sealed, so that the ship can float. In a submarine it is a little trickier, because they purposely fill these voids with water, and then expel it so that the sub can surface or dive.

We constantly trained in the Navy to ensure that our watertight integrity remained intact. During General Quarters, the level of alert that we go to when danger is imminent, all doors and hatches are closed and sealed. No one is allowed to move around the ship and open any of these doors. We would time how long it took to report “Condition Zebra,” Meaning that everyone had reached their station and all watertight hatches and doors had been secured! There is a Navy ship somewhere right now who is going through this drill, I am certain. They are testing their integrity.

But, Condition Zebra is an extreme condition in which we take no risks. Everything is locked tight. We don’t go to that condition of watertight integrity very often and don’t stay in it for very long. So, we also had condition Yoke, Xray, and modified Zebra – all different degrees of watertight integrity. Each hatch was marked with an X, Y or Z and allowed to be open at certain times and not at others. Just like in life. Sometimes we open doors and take a calculated risk, sometimes we don’t.

Fundamentalist or conservative faiths might be considered to be more often in condition Zebra, relying more on certainty and allowing for very little risk. But they deny their wholeness in the very act of trying to maintain it – People don’t function as well if they are constantly locked down. As believers in a liberal tradition we allow for less rigidity in our knowledge and beliefs, and are more affirming of others’ beliefs. We take calculated risks, but need to have a keen understanding of why we are doing so, and a plan for when we might tighten up a little.

We often TALK about integrity in terms of honesty, of right and wrong. We THINK of it in terms of shoulds and should nots, cans and cannots – but we PRACTICE integrity in degrees. It isn’t PRACTICAL to stay in Condition Zebra all of the time.

Part of integrity is attending to life and to being whole, knowing what is going on around us and what watertight condition we are in at any given time!

Integrity isn’t a question of either/or, it isn’t a question of should or shouldn’t, can or cannot. Integrity is more complex than that. Critics might say this is a slippery slope – .that it is moral relativism to explain away integrity as other than pure and certain. To them I say, we can lock down every door. Or we can live our lives paying attention to our wholeness, maintaining our commitment to freedom, having courage in our convictions, and knowing when to take risks.

Know what you believe. Act courageously on your beliefs. Say publicly and without shame why you are doing so. Have the sense of awareness to know when to take calculated risks, all the while maintaining your wholeness. If we do these things perhaps we will be more integrous people.

May it be so.

———————

Copyright © 2003 – Dr. Matthew D. Tittle, Ph.D.

Except where otherwise cited, the material presented here is the intellectual property of the author. Use and reproduction of this material for non-profit personal, academic, or religious purposes is encouraged with appropriate citation. Any other use requires the expressed consent of the author.

On the Outside Looking In

© Becky Harding

17 August 2003

First UU Church of Austin

4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756

www.austinuu.org

SERMON

“Atticus stood up and walked to the end of the porch. When he completed his examination of the wisteria vine, he strolled back to me.

First of all, he said, if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Harper Lee – To Kill a Mockingbird

It’s 1:28 a.m. on Wednesday, April 23rd and I am sitting in chamber room 105 at the state capitol building and I am thinking about this passage from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird. I am waiting to testify against a house bill that, if passed, would remove all foster children from the homes of any person deemed homosexual. Earlier in the evening, state representative Robert Talton introduced this legislation and actually said that the children of gays and lesbians would be better off in orphanages than in their homes. I am sincerely trying to understand things from his point of view but failing miserably.

Weeks later, I am reading Reason for Hope, by Jane Goodall and I stumble on a possible explanation for Mr. Talton’s attitudes. Goodall suggests that “cultural speciation in humans means that the members of one group, the in-group, see themselves as different from members of another group, the out-group. In its extreme form, cultural speciation leads to the dehumanizing of out-group members, so that they may come to be regarded almost as members of a different species. This frees group members from the inhibitions and social sanctions that operate within the group and enables them to direct acts toward those others which would not be tolerated within the group. Slavery and torture at one end of the scale, ridicule and ostracism at the other.”

This certainly helps me understand why Mr. Talton, as chimpanzees for thousands of years before him, feels the need to figuratively twist my arms. His legislation failed, by the way. When asked what do gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people have in common, transgender professor Jenny Finney responded, “We all can get beat up by the same people.” Dehumanizing indeed.

I am flooded with thoughts. How did I get here? Here, in a chamber room at the Texas State Capitol. Here, in the pulpit of the First Unitarian Universalist Church. Where have we come from? We all carry legacy of some sort. What’s our role in the apparently second civil rights movement? And where are we going? Was that the Newsweek cover asking, “Is gay marriage next?”

With apologies to Sappho and Greek art, I’ll start with June 27, 1969. Legend has it that the Greenwich Village tavern, the Stonewall Inn, was frequently raided by lackadaisical police officers who would gently nudge the queer crowd to move on to another locale. But that night, June 27th, stricken with grief over the death of the beloved Judy Garland, the folks, not only refused to move on, but became increasingly agitated at the thought of not being permitted to gather and mourn their diva. The riot lasted three days, and the modern g,l,b,t revolution began. Before the Stonewall riots, about a dozen gay publications existed and in just a few years, over 400 organizations and publications were out and about.

You can easily identify the club members by the rainbow stickers and flags plastered everywhere – a tribute to Judy Garland who helped start it all. Remember her theme song was “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”?

And if you don’t see any rainbow strips on cars, you might find a pink triangle. If a prisoner was deemed homosexual, Nazi concentration camp officials would have a pink triangle sewn on his shirt. A black triangle identified lesbians. These symbols have, obviously, been reclaimed to honor the legacy of those before us.

And, if you are wandering through Home Depot with your good friend, Juanita, and her “gaydar” spots two women talking, she might nudge you and say, “family.” This code word comes from the concept that so many members of the g,l,b,t community have been rejected by their biological families, so they claim friends as family. Yes, the dance floor is always overrun when “We Are Family” comes on the sound system.

In the early years of this movement, so many members felt isolated. So a joyous, once-a-year, tradition of PRIDE festivals began. Simply, this is a gathering where folks can be themselves and celebrate. Music, dancing, and food abound as do paraders. The idea, naturally, is that there is nothing to be ashamed of and why not be proud of yourself. Stop the dehumanizing, as it were.

So in the early days, role models were sorely lacking. Liberace used a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach. Elton John even proclaimed bisexuality for years in fear of hostile reactions. And, if you were a g,l,b,t teen during this time, it would be difficult to find any role models in a mainstream movie.

Certainly, films were made. As early as 1963, Lillian Hellman’s The Children’s Hour featured a young Shirley McClain wrestling with her feelings for another woman. Her character, of course, upon deciding she is a lesbian, shoots herself. But lesbians didn’t fret because they got a gift in the legendary film, Personal Best. Exotic Mariel Hemingway experiments with a relationship with another female track teammate and her character doesn’t die, there is that career ending knee surgery.

The gentlemen didn’t fare much better. The compassionate yet somber Long Time Companion chronicles the deaths of a group of friends from AIDS. Huge strides were made in understanding the gay community when Philadelphia, a beautiful and loving film, premiered, yet Tom Hanks does, indeed, die a difficult death in that film as well.

The transgendered world was opened up to us all so much more with the poignant, Boys Don’t Cry. As you can tell, the not so subtle message is that g,l.b.t people do exist in the world, but it isn’t an easy life. Until lately.

Slowly and surely, winds of change have blown in and we can see The Bird Cage on television or the wildly popular Will and Grace. And no one dies in the awesome Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, a delightful and kind makeover show featuring five fabulous divas.

G,l,b,t supporting characters abound on Friends, ER, Spin City, Dawson’s Creek etc. And let us not ever forget the first million dollar Survivor winner was out and proud, Richard Hatch.

So what caused the change? Lots of complex elements. Acceptance came in small doses over time.

On October 12, 1998, a young gay man was hung up on a fence post and bludgeoned to death with a pistol. Matthew Shepard’s death shocked and saddened almost everyone – gay and straight. Maybe people across America put themselves in his shoes – or his parent’s shoes and a new commitment to tolerance and compassion seemed to be born on that cold plain in Wyoming.

So where are we now? This summer we have seen the Episcopalian church elect the first openly gay bishop. The Rev, Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, took the office with his partner standing next to him. The parishioners said they chose Robinson simply because he was the best candidate.

This summer, the United States Supreme Court overturned all sodomy laws in the Lawrence versus Texas case. According to the Lesbian, Gay Rights Lobby, “the sodomy law is used as a front for all brands of discrimination” When the Court overturned the law, it also took the opportunity to overturn all of the sodomy laws in the United States, further protecting the right to privacy between two consenting adults.”

Justice Anthony Kennedy, reading from the bench, said, gays “?are entitled to respect for their private lives.” Some of the gay activists and lawyers wept as they listened. This ruling gives us constitutional protection – and can be sited in other g,l,b,t court battles.

According to the July 7th edition of Newsweek, “the battle over gay marriage, gay adoption, gays in the military and gays in the workplace – will be fought out court to court, state to state for years to come. Nonetheless, there is no question that the Lawrence case represents a sea of change, not just in the Supreme Court, a normally cautious institution, but also in society as a whole.” David Garrow, a legal scholar at Emory University said, “The case is maybe one of the two most important opinions of the last 100 years.”

For the first time in my lifetime, the talk of gay marriage seems very attainable. Gay marriage that would give my partner and I our civil right – a marriage license that gives individuals access to the responsibilities, protections and support government provides to families.

We are fortunate that her company offers health benefits to same sex couples, but what about most of our friends whose companies don’t? There are many advantages to gay marriage but healthcare tops my list

All of this is wonderful and I don’t want to spoil the celebration, but you and I both know that backlash is a powerful wave. The conservative forces are going to, in all probability, push for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Jerry Falwell has said, “the only way to put the traditional biblical family form of one man married to one woman safely out of reach of future courts and legislatures, is to pass an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.” Dehumanizing indeed.

My friends, I think we are preparing for a war. So what can you and I do? Clearly, we all can reduce the climate of fear and create an environment of acceptance. Those of us in the g,l,b,t community need to be “out,” showing the world, our next door neighbors, the letter carrier, that there is nothing to fear from our community. Our similarities are probably more abundant than our differences.

The straight community can speak up when “dehumanizing” behaviors prevail. Even the smallest acts send a message. So I was glad to se that when Jeremy Shockley called Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells, “a homo,” most people were disgusted. But not enough. Cathy Renna of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation said, “It’s a reflection that it’s still ok to use that language.” Esera Tuaolo, who came out after he played nine seasons in the NFL added, “To the players and coaches, it’s no big deal, but for someone like me, it is a big deal. That’s one of the things we need to change. It’s a spoken language we need to change.”

As a school teacher, I suspect I heard the word “gay” or “lesbian” or some other slang form used in a derogatory way nearly every day I taught. Each time, I would stop and take the time to, in a nurturing way, teach the child a little bit of tolerance. The sad piece is that most of the time, these children really didn’t think they were saying something wrong.

We must all speak up! A good friend of mine was telling another mother about her two and a half year old daughter’s kissing episode with another little girl and the mother smiled and said, “Oh, don’t worry – that’s age appropriate.” My friend smiled back and said, “Yes. At any age.” That’s speaking up.

Of course, when the amendment process heats up, we must all join together and be activists. Write letters, make phone calls, send emails, join the Lesbian and Gay Rights Lobby. Get involved and get other people you love involved as well because GAY RIGHTS ARE CIVIL RIGHTS! In the days of Apartheid, Nelson Mandela argued, “No one is really free until all those in South Africa are free.” I believe that applies here! No one can enjoy the freedom of governmental rights until all of us can. Maybe this is the second wave of the civil rights movement. I remember white people died beside black people. Hopefully no one will die this time.

“An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness,” Margaret Atwood suggests. We must use tolerance and compassion to overcome ignorance and hatred. The Taoist believe “these three qualities are invaluable – a sense of equality, material simplicity, and compassion for all creatures.” The Delany Sisters, two African-American women who lived well into their 100’s wrote, “The most important thing is to teach your child compassion. A complete human being is one who can put himself in another’s shoes.”

It is important to remember that Matthew Shepard’s parents forgave their son’s killers. In that spirit, I have invited Rep. Talton to my home for dinner. Twice. So he can see us, know us, and not fear us. So far, I haven’t heard back but I’m going to keep trying.

As I drove home from the evening at the capitol, I asked myself why was I there? What did I really accomplish? The answer is simple.

I was there because of Claire. Claire is my two and a half year old daughter who I love very very much. I want the world to be a better place for her. I dream a world for Claire where she can marry anyone of any gender, not just someone approved by a small group of small minded people. I dream a world for Claire filled with tolerance and compassion for EVERYONE. Dream with me. Dream with me.