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Rev. Chris Jimmerson
February 24, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org
Unitarian Universalism has historically been a faith that questions and can even be skeptical. Yet, we call ourselves a faith, which implies a trust that we are a part of something larger than ourselves. What does it mean to trust and to be trustworthy? How do we rebuild trust when it gets broken and is it healthy sometimes to withhold trust that has been badly violated?
Call to Worship
THE BLESSINGS OF TRUST SOUL MATTERS
We gather today to receive the blessings of trust.
May the relationships in this room, help us notice we do not walk alone.
May the quiet we share, help us connect to and trust our deepest self.
May the music offered, help us feel and hold tight to the restorative rhythms of the world.
May the words offered, remind us that we too have a voice, one that must be trusted and shared.
Reading
A HIDDEN WHOLENESS: THE JOURNEY TOWARD AN UNDIVIDED LIFE
-Parker J. Palmer
If we are willing to embrace the challenge of becoming whole, we cannot embrace it alone-at least, not for long:
we need trustworthy relationships to sustain us, tenacious communities of support, to sustain the journey toward an undivided life.
Taking an inner journey toward rejoining soul and role requires a rare but real form of community that I call a “circle of trust.”
Sermon Notes
What does it mean to trust? What does it mean to be trustworthy? What does it mean to have faith – to trust that we are a part of something larger than ourselves.
This month, our faith development classes and activities have been exploring these and other questions involving the subject of trust. This morning I want to explore the concepts of trust, trustworthiness and faith a little further.
Research from psychologist John Gottman.
In romantic relationships (and family/friends/etc.) it’s not the grand gestures that build trust over time – it’s the small gestures.
- noticing a spouse or partner seems upset and putting aside our smart phone to ask them what is going on with them.
- Remembering that your sister has the big presentation that is important to her at work tomorrow and sending a note or giving her a call to wish her luck.
- My grandfather brought my grandmother coffee in bed every morning of their life together. He banked lots of trust points for that!
Here at church – yes the caring team checking in when we are in the hospital, the minister doing the memorial service for our loved ones, these are important, but trust in our church community is likely also built upon the smaller gestures:
- noticing the visitor who looks lost and not sure where they are supposed to go and offering to help.
- the phone call or card to say I heard about your loss and wanted you to know I am thinking about you.
- the friendly smile in the fellowship hall
- saying “thank you” to the flocks of fine folks who do the many marvelous ministries of this church.
Loss of trust also comes in small moments of betrayal.
So, trust is built in small moments. But what is trust. How do we define it?
One answer can be found in Brene Brown’s video at brenebrown.com. “SuperSoul Sessions: The Anatomy of Trust”. In the video she quotes a definition from trust researcher and consultant Charles Feltman.
“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”
“Distrust is when what I’ve shared with you something that is important to me is not safe with you.”
Dr Brene Brown describes the elements that make up trust with the acronym “Braving”.
BRAVING
B– Boundaries
R– Reliability
A– Accountability
V– Vault
I– Integrity
N– Non-Judgement
G– GenerosityBoundaries – yours are clear and expressed openly and you respect mine.
Reliability – we do what we say to each other and not just once but over and over again. Don’t overcommit.
Accountability – when we make mistakes, which we will, we own it, apologize and make amends. And we allow each other to do so. Exception when trust has been repeatedly been broken and abused – if it becomes clear accountability is not possible.
Vault – we acknowledge confidentiality and hold to it both each others’ and other peoples. Sharing with me something that it not yours to share destroys trust.
Integrity – choosing courage over comfort, doing what’s right over what’s fast fun or easy and practicing our values not just professing them. Example – if say compassion is a value and then I do not act with compassion it shows lack of integrity and destroys trust.
Non-Judgement – being OK with asking for help and not judging when others do. We are better at giving help than asking for it.
Generosity – we make generous assumptions about each others words and actions and we check in with each other. So if I tell a good friend I am having a rough time and then do not hear from them for a while, I don’t start by presuming they are uncaring. Check in. Not assuming good intentions – more the reverse – having the generosity to NOT go immediately to presuming ill intent.
Why I believe this is a spiritual matter; a spiritual discipline, especially for UUs. As I often talk about, we are a faith without creed. We do not have a proscribed set of beliefs we all share. And unlike our friends of some other faiths, some of us do not believe in some higher power, some being in which we can trust to take care of us and our world. So we root our faith, our trust, in a set of principles and values that we share.
Here at this church, we place our faith in the mission we have discerned together, we trust in it as our higher common purpose. And so Unitarian Universalism finds the holy, experiences faith through loving, accountable, healthy relationships with one another, with our communities, with our larger world, with the web of all existence. This is where we experience what some of us call the divine, others that which is ultimate, other that which is larger than us but of which we are a part and can place our trust. And we root our relationship with each other through a covenant, a set of sacred promises that we make to one another about how we will be with one another in healthy, accountable ways. And that requires trust, yet do not think of trust in a large religious community like this doing challenging and sometimes difficult work together as no one will ever make mistakes – no one will ever feel hurt. We Will make mistakes and Agree to be called back into covenant.
BRAVING Trust gives way to live the promises of our covenant and be accountable to it and one another when we fail.
BRAVING provides a framework that can help us keep the promises alive and a way to think about trust that acknowledges the work we must put into it. Otherwise, covenant can become shallow and can be used as a weapon to silence folks when they point out that we are not living out our professed principles and values.
BRAVING implicitly acknowledges that loving, accountable relationships involve risk and they come at a cost but that love is worth it. Besides making mistakes, if we love, we all experience loss, sorrow and grief at some point.
My friends, you can trust that love is more than worth braving it.
BRAVING says that we can trust that love is worth the risk and our efforts to create and maintain it.
BRAVING love is how we do religion as UUs and the place wherein our faith can be found.
May we go about the holy work of braving trust and love together.
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