Youth Service: Reflection

Senior Youth Group
April 28, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

Our Senior High Youth Group lead the service and invite the congregation on a journey in self-reflection, how we’ve grown, and who we’ve become over our lives.


Call to Worship

ELEVEN
by Sandra Cisneros

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are-underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.

Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is. You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you . And you don’t feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.

Reading

REACHING NONETHELESS
by Sage Hirschfeld

If I could take every word I’ve ever written and ask them what this is all about
I think it might sound something like all the pots and pans in my kitchen falling out from every
overstuffed cabinet and onto the tile floor in a single moment
It would sound like every great and terrible symphony warm up
Like cacophony of chaos already insued
A ruckus of all things sacred in their hardness
Colliding
Greeting each other
Shaking hands with shock waves strong enough to rip through plaster and wood and flesh and
bone
To stir something somewhere you never knew was sleeping till you felt it wake up
To punctuate a period with an exclamation point and then another period.
But that’s not where it would end
It would sound like a collective exhale of everything daring to move
It would sound like doors creaking open throughout the house
Like footsteps down narrow hallways drawing near
Like my father’s voice calling in every shade of compassion
It would sound like hands outstretched in beaconing beyond intrinsic
Beyond first thoughts or old habits or logiced ways
Simply reaching out without truly knowing what for
But reaching nonetheless

Meditation

REFLECTION 
by Shel Silverstein

Each time I see the Upside-Down Man 
Standing in the water, 
I look at him and start to laugh, 
Although I shouldn’t oughtter. 
For maybe in another world 
Another time 
Another town, 
Maybe HE is right side up 
And I am upside down.

Homilies

by Shanti Cornell, Julia Heilrayne, Rae Milstead, Abby Poirier

JULIA HEILRAYNE

Children’s hospitals aren’t like normal hospitals. They are places where we care for our youngest and our most vulnerable. They are places where the juxtaposition of emotions felt covers a spectrum larger than I ever thought possible. In children’s hospitals, the grief that is felt is felt so deeply, so loudly, so intensely, that sometimes it is easy to forget that the joy there is felt just as deeply, just as loudly, just as intensely. Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, the place where I spent a month of the last school year, is no different. From the bubbly decorations to the fish in the MRI machines and the graffiti style cartoon characters that bounce across every wall, it is in essence what a children’s hospital should be: a place to heal, to mourn, to celebrate, and to reflect.

From the branch of the hospital I spent the most time in, you can see the parking garage. This particular parking garage is adorned with an art installation, consisting of colored sheets of glass protruding from the side of the building, casting colorful shadows on the outside wall. In just the right room, standing on just the right section of blue carpeted floor, you can see yourself, reflected in those sheets of colorful glass. Sometimes you are blue, or red, or purple, or green. Sometimes you are clearly defined, so much so that you can see the expression on your face, and other times you melt into the colors, reflections of trees and noises cars coming and going. The first time I saw those glass sheets, the girl reflected back to me was anxiously fiddling with her fingers. There were dark circles under her eyes, and although her hair was pulled back into what might have once been a ponytail, it had since morphed into a clumped tangled mat on the side of her head. The girl was sitting in a wheelchair. As I watched the girl in the glass that first day, she watched me back. Together, we hoped, and we prayed, in our weird atheist UU way, that the doctors here would tell us they could make the pain go away. I left the hospital that day with good news- I was an excellent candidate for the treatment they provided.

Months passed before I was able to travel back to Children’s, and when I did, the girl in the glass was waiting for me, but she had changed. Physical therapists forced the girl to stand, they bent her legs in weird angles and took a million different measurements. The dark circles under the girl’s eyes had grown, and the tears that streamed down her face as the doctors worked on her felt warm and uncomfortable on my cheek. I turned away from the girl in the glass, and she turned away from me.

It was days later, when I let myself glance out the window back towards the parking garage, and the reflection glanced back at me. This time, the girl’s ponytail still looked like a ponytail, and although the dark circles still remained under her eyes, the tears had stopped falling. She looked stronger, better. She looked less like a patient in a children’s hospital and more like the girl I once knew myself to be. I smiled a small smile, and she smiled back, the same small, timid smile.

I continued to watch the girl in the glass grow stronger, watch her legs hold her straighter, watch her arms leave the wheels of the chair far behind. I watched as she became more sure of herself on the treadmill, more able to do the things that most 17 year old girls were doing every day- like walking. The dark circles under her eyes grew lighter, and the smile on her face grew bigger, and slowly, slowly, after days of watching her, I started to recognize myself.

While my friends stressed over studying for finals back in Austin, I learned methods to control the pain that had been plaguing me for years, and the girl reflected back to me in every color of the rainbow did the same. I walked, then ran, then ran a mile. And the entire time, I watched the reflection of myself in the glass. On the hard days, I would check in with me in the glass, and assure her it was going to be ok. On the goo days, I would celebrate with the girl in the glass, and we would carry that success onto the next day. Those seemingly meaningless colorful glass panes gave me a way to watch myself change, in the best possible of way. As silly as it may sound to someone who didn’t spend 8 hours a day learning to walk, run, use their hands, and think again in those rooms, I am grateful to that glass.

I have been home for exactly 4 months and 3 weeks. It has been a glorious 145 days, and as I prepare mentally to go back in June for my 6 month follow up, I can’t help but wonder what the girl who will be reflected back at me into the hospital will look like this time, because the thing that the girl in the glass taught me above all else is that be it staring at yourself in the mirror and having a good chat with yourself, laying in bed with your eyes closed and mediating, or watching yourself go from a self declared “wheelchair sick kid” to the functioning human you want to be in reflections provided by your favorite children’s hospital, to reflect on your progress, change, and accomplishments in life, no matter where you are, is how you keep making that progress, and get where you want to go in life. Or as John Dewey so eloquently put it “we do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.”


RAE MILSTEAD

There’s this story in the bible where Jesus goes into the garden of Gethsemane and he kneels down and gives this very agonizing and very human prayer which is “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him. And being in agony he was praying very fervently; and his sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground.” This is a time you see Jesus letting himself be doubtful and in pain and quite frankly, afraid of his future. He ultimately decides that God’s will is stronger than his and that he had to lay that burden down as to accept his crucification. You see this same theory in so many faiths where you can’t really change some of the hardest things in life you have to go through and that you cannot will it away. It’s just going to happen and the inevitability of it is probably the most daunting thing.

I believe that every person has to go through those really hard, humanizing moments which I call “brick-wall” moments – because they’re moments in life that absolutely shatter you and force you to grow into a person that you can live with for the rest of your life.

My junior year of High School, my brother committed suicide and not even a year later, my father passed away after a long history of alcohol-abuse and drug addiction. I was 18 and I was fatherless and I had lost someone to suicide. I was just an 18-year-old girl. The days after I lost my brother, I kept to a corner of my room, refusing to eat food or water and I just stared into nothingness- I was shocked as to what kind of world I was now living in. The weeks following, it felt like I was outside of myself, just watching this girl slowly walk through life with this frazzled look. I was devastated and lost. My identity was ripped away from me and I was placed into a completely different universe. What I thought I knew seemed to dissipate and slip through the synapses in my brain. I felt like everyone around me was moving so much quicker and it was impossible for me to reach out and grab onto anything. I was just flying backwards.

I grew up In the church and I saw the bible and Jesus as a collection of lessons on what to do when no one else could give you any advice because the challenge you were given was not something any human could change-like death. I often wondered if Jesus ever stopped to look at himself in a mirror and ask himself first off, How many braids could he make out of his beard? and secondly, what on earth was he thinking?

But he asks himself this and he asks God this in the Garden of Gethsemane. He asks God, why it has to be him? why does he have to bear this pain when he’s done everything he was supposed to? What can He do to get out of this fate? And God gives him the strength and understanding that it was going to be okay. These are the same questions that were asked when I was looking in the mirror at this tear stricken grieving girl who just didn’t know what to do anymore to escape this loss. Why did it have to be me? Why am I the one who has to keep living through this? How do I do this?

For the past month and a half, I have been learning about lent and the core values of the lessons learned throughout this 40 day period. I’ve learned that lent is this time where you take the not so great aspects of your faith and lift it up into the light for you to reflect on it and help strengthen your faith and in the catholic faith, get closer to god. The UU church has a topic for each day to reflect on and share a photo of- things like struggle, vulnerability, courage, dreams, and recovery are amongst these topics. Things that aren’t always pretty or what you would put front and center of your identity but are still definitely there. I’ve found that a lot of people, no matter what your path of spirituality is, find themselves tearing themselves apart which is the exact opposite of what Grace is. I hear my friends in my youth group here that our lives are precious human lives and in my catholic youth group that god will always love me and that no matter where I go in my life, I will always be a beloved daughter of the king most high, yet the hardest part of accepting Grace is giving myself that. How many of us have just mindlessly scroll through facebook or instagram and comparing ourselves to someone else? Or after spending hours watching other people live their lives, felt like a wasted attempt of success? How many of us get a grade back on a test or feedback from a boss or a comment from a loved one and just make that one thing your entire identity and thought process for the next 48 or something hours? It’s self reflection but it’s also painful self-infliction.

I think that’s the greatest human flaw. I watch so many amazing people work so incredibly hard and then tear themselves down. But as I started to read more stories in the bible and read more about all the strongest empowering role models rising up in the social justice world I’ve discovered that no one in the bible made it in the bible by just having an easy life. The strongest people I know have been through some really incredible losses and experiences to get where they are. Jesus knelt onto the ground and SWEAT BLOOD begging to give up what he felt was a burden but was actually the thing that made him so incredibly strong. So yes, I may have no idea who I am or where I am going right now in this world, I do know that me, along with everyone else in this room and outside this room is destined for greatness. We go through things to build character and what you’ve gone through does not define who you are but how you choose to get off the floor of the corner of your room and keep going does. Greatness is defined by the ability to persevere through adversity. And perseverance isn’t always a beautiful A on a calculus test two weeks after your father died. It’s giving yourself the grace to take a day to just cry it all out, even if it’s a full on ugly cry. Questions like “why did I have to be the one chosen to go through these things?” is part of self reflection and building a stronger sense of perseverance through this internalized adversity. You’re doing great and just keep trying to grow from the things that were given to you and wrap each other with this unstoppable love through grace and growth. Perseverance is giving yourself the grace to love yourself and your precious human life, no matter how destroyed life looks.


Text of Shanti Cornell and Abby Poirier’s homilies are not yet available but you can click the play button to listen.

Most sermons during the past 19 years are available online through this website. Click on the index link below to find tables of all sermons for each year listed by date (newest to oldest) with topic and speaker. Click on a topic to go to that sermon.

SERMON INDEX

Podcasts of this and other sermons are also available for free on iTunes. You can find them by clicking on the podcast link below or copying and pasting this link. https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/first-unitarian-universalist/id372427776

PODCASTS


How to grow a seed

Rev. Meg Barnhouse
April 21, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

If you were planted, what would grow? What is left in a room when you leave the room? What is left in a group when the group scatters? What would be left here on Earth when you leave?


Call to Worship
by May Sarton

Help us to be ever faithful gardeners of the spirit, who know that without darkness nothing comes to birth, and without light nothing flowers. 

Meditation Reading 
THE GARDENER 85 
by Rabindrahnath Tagore

Who are you, reader, reading my poems an hundred years hence? I cannot send you one single flower from this wealth of the spring, one single streak of gold from yonder clouds. 

Open your doors and look abroad. 

From your blossoming garden… gather fragrant memories of the vanished flowers an hundred years before. 

In the joy of your heart may you feel the living joy that sang one spring morning, sending its glad voice across an hundred years. 

Sermon

Long ago and far away, I went on a pastoral visit to an old man in the hospital. Mr. Hatcher had a career as a civil rights and social justice activist, retiring from being the head of Piedmont Community Action, bringing the Head Start program to the county and improving hospital transportation for marginalized communities. In the back of the house was a deep gulley, covered in brush and poison ivy. He started puttering in the yard, and gradually overspilled the yard and began clearing out the gulley. “By that time, I was burned out on trying to solve human problems, and I took to the woods, where I could have a little more control over my environment and my friends the plants.” Thirty years later it was a ten acre garden open to the public. He had always told me he hoped his life would end before his legs gave out. “I always wanted to live to 95, he said, ” but living to 90 has made me think about changing my mind.” I took him a big sprig of rosemary from my garden, so he’d have something from the outside in his room. He held it to his nose and smelled deeply. “Ah, that rosemary really pulls its weight.”

He was himself a seed, you see, starting small, making his way through obstacles, a centimeter at a time, gathering helpers slowly. “I find an ugly spot and make it a beauty spot.” He said.

If you were a seed, what would grow from you?

Theologian Howard Thurman wrote “Do not ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

We all know of people who started small and made a big difference. 16 year old Greta Thunberg started Friday Climate Protests in Sweden, and now she speaks all over the world. She starts her speech with “I’m Greta Thunberg, and I want you to panic.”

There is Yacouba Sawadogo, a man in Burkina Faso, who began planting trees to stop the desertification of his country. There is Kate Sessions, a botanist and horticulturalist in the late 1800’s who lived in San Diego. She did research and found trees all over the world that would grow in that dry climate, and she planted them there in San Diego. You can see the results of her efforts… it’s called Balboa Park. People have started great businesses in garages and kitchens. A publishing company started up and revitalized the town I lived in in upstate South Carolina. It started when a few friends were having coffee one morning. They wrote some words on a napkin. Now they publish amazing literature by Southern writers. A whole town now thinks of itself as a writers’ town. It’s not only starting something small, we carry beginnings within us like seeds.

We can be a seed in nearly every interaction. You have had people who have been an inspiration to you, who have said encouraging words that energized you. You have had interactions with people that discouraged you. You’ve read a line in a poem, a novel, a Scripture verse, you’ve heard lyrics of a song that made you stop short and say “I never heard it put that way…”

Here are some seeds that blossomed in me and changed my thinking. One was a teacher named Byron Katie, who said “We suffer when our thoughts argue with reality.”

One was in a 12 step meeting, when someone said “what other people think of me is none of my business.”

We can plant a seed of discouragement too: In my experience, someone bustling up and saying in an impatient voice “here, let me help you with that” can be nice, or it can communicate a lack of belief in your capability. In my Southern family, one way to sweetly diminish someone is by use of the word “little.” How’s that little project of yours coming?’ “How’s your little job?”

To be encouraging you might say something like “You’ve got this,” “You know what to do.”

“I’m right here if you need me.”

Some people are gifted at inspiring others to think, or to be courageous. If you look up the 10 most inspiring speeches, you get famous people saying things like “never give up, define success for yourself, make the world better, joy is always in process, it’s always under construction (Matthew Mconaughey) and Yoda “Do or do not. There is no try.” Which makes absolutely no sense to me. Then, of course, the ultimate inspire-er, (also fictional,) Coach Taylor, who wins, in my opinion, with “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose”

I’m not saying that you have to be Coach Taylor every day as you move through your life. I’m saying this. We’ve all watched CSI enough to know about Locard’s Exchange Princple, which says that wherever you go you leave traces behind. Fibers, fluids, skin cells, words, feelings. “every contact leaves a trace.” Some of us are carriers of anxiety. We worry so much, and we worry when other people aren’t worried enough, so we agitate them a bit so their foreheads are more rumpled when we leave them. Some carry laughter, some carry a listening presence. Some people carry peace. You just feel better when they’ve been around. Some are calming, some are strengthening. Some carry love. After interactions with them, you know you are loved, and you can love more. These are little things, the size of a seed sometimes. 

Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

Some of you have touched so many lives. You have been teachers, coaches, you’ve been in business with people, you have co-workers, you’ve had family and interacted with strangers. You may never know what seeds you’ve planted. You may have a student communicate with you and tell you years later what something you said meant to their lives. If you have had such a teacher, or such an interaction, think about making contact with that person to let them know.

Letter to Agnes De Mille from Martha Graham

There is a vitality,
a life force,
a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time,
this expression is unique.

And If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.
The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine
how good it is
nor how valuable it is
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly
to keep the channel open….


Most sermons during the past 19 years are available online through this website. Click on the index link below to find tables of all sermons for each year listed by date (newest to oldest) with topic and speaker. Click on a topic to go to that sermon.

SERMON INDEX

Podcasts of this and other sermons are also available for free on iTunes. You can find them by clicking on the podcast link below or copying and pasting this link. https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/first-unitarian-universalist/id372427776 

PODCASTS

The power of story

Rev. Meg Barnhouse
April 14, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

In advance of a church storytelling event the first weekend in May, we will talk about the power of our stories. We will talk particularly about the stresses put on us by the stories told about people with our particular identities, women, LGBTQ, people of color, white men, Etc. How do those stories shape us and put pressure on our thinking?


Call to worship 

A HAT FULL OF SKY
Terry Pratchett

There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world. 

Meditation Reading

THE NAME OF THE WIND
Patrick Rothfuss

Chronicler frowned. “Is that the one where the king sells his crown to an orphan boy?” 

Bast nodded. “And the boy becomes a better king than the original. The goosegirl dresses like a countess and everyone is stunned by her grace and charm.” He hesitated, struggling to find the words he wanted. “You see, there’s a fundamental connection between seeming and being. Every Fae child knows this, but you mortals never seem to see. We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.” 

Chronicler relaxed a bit, sensing familiar ground. “That’s basic psychology. You dress a beggar in fine clothes, people treat him like a noble, and he lives up to their expectations.” 

“That’s only the smallest piece of it,” Bast said. “The truth is deeper than that. It’s…” Bast floundered for a moment. “It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” 

Sermon

We talk a lot about story in this pulpit. How events happen, and then we tell stories about what happened, to ourselves and to others. People experience the same event and tell different stories to make sense of it. The stories shape how you respond to the event. If someone is rude, you wonder if you did something to them. Maybe they were in pain, maybe they were tired. I’ve told you about my friend Pat, who, when cut off in traffic, says “Bless her heart, I bet she just got out of the hospital.” That’s one possible explanation. It changes how you feel about what just happened. If a bad thing happened some people will think it’s bad luck. Others will think the God of their understanding is punishing them for something. If someone sees a toddler crying, they might think “that baby is tired,” Someone else might think the parent is doing something wrong, or not doing something they should do. Someone without kids might think “When I have children, they will never behave like that.” The Karma Fairy laughs. My daughter-in-law posted a photo of my granddaughter crying. “She’s crying because her tongue is wet and I won’t let her keep drying it off.” No one would have guessed that story. 

Today I want to talk about a different aspect of story this morning. Stories other people you grew up in a family with more than one kid, there may have been stories about each one of you. One is the quiet one, one’s the pretty one, one’s the smart one, one’s trouble. Family roles are assigned. Usually one kid is the hero kid, does everything right, gets good grades, doesn’t cause trouble. Sometimes one gets the “scapegoat” role, where, when something breaks its assumed to be their fault. When there is a fight, they are assumed to have started it. One kid sometimes is the family clown, where their humor diffuses tension, or distracts the rest of the family from something that might cause a fight. One kid sometimes has the “distractor” role, and they will sometimes develop a problem in order to give the parents something else to focus on besides their deteriorating relationship or financial situation. This kid’s problem is a semi-conscious try to pull the family together. If you were the hero kid, that story told about you that you never gave your parents a moments trouble, or that you were the smartest one, or the story that you were trouble – those stories can shape your life forever. We tend to re-create the roles we had in our families in our grown up families, in our chosen families, in our workplaces and in our church community. 

What about stories that are told in the broader culture about us and our people, our identity groups? Studies since 1995 are showing that those stories affect us. This is called stereotype threat, or identity threat, and the stories cause stress if you are aware of them. 

Girls are bad at math. Boys are bad at verbal skills. There are stereotypes about Black and Brown kids, sometimes borne out by statistics. There are stereotypes about Asians, sometimes borne out by statistics. Stereotypes about gay men and lesbians, stereotypes about older white men, about young brown women, angry black women …. What the psychologists found is that when you are aware of stereotypes about your group, you sometimes stress about being lumped in with the negatives about your group. You carry your whole group on your shoulders, or you are aware that you will be allowed fewer mistakes than someone else, or that you will not be given the benefit of the doubt. 

Studies find that this awareness, this worry, interferes with some of the executive functioning of your brain. Updating, a skill of the part of your memory that is available for immediate work, is diminished. Learning new things is harder, the ability to take risks is suppressed. If a female student is treated in a sexist way by a male experimenter, she tends to do less well on tasks. When Slack students are told to do a task, and stereotypes about African-Americans are highlighted, they tend to perform less well than Black students who didn’t hear the stereotypes mentioned. When, before an experiment, men are reminded that the stereotype is that men are not so good at verbal skills, they do more poorly on verbal tasks than men for whom this stereotype isn’t highlighted. 

In progressive circles, now, white men might be worrying about not talking or acting like “a typical white guy.” People of color might step on their expressions of anger and outrage. I’ve heard friends talk about not wanting to come across like “that angry Black woman.” 

POEM I WROTE TO MY BLACK AND BROWN SISTERS: 
by Rev. Kristen Harper

My beautiful black, brown, sister with your 
Nonconforming grace and rhythm radiating soul. 
You with the big deep brown eyes and piercingly fierce gaze. 
You with the long, short, curly, straight, locked crown 
You in all your regal baldness. 
I know what lies beneath that controlled voice, that diminished expression
I can see behind the veil of servant, of surrogate. 
I feel the anger, the sadness, the frustration, the slow death 
of shrinking, of trying to become small so other’s won’t be intimidated,
won’t be afraid. 

I know the depression of stuffing, pushing down the roar of righteousness 
the roar that claims our humanity, our value, our right to name the truth. I see your goddessesness, your divine love, 
the depth of your black, brown brilliance. 
I hope someday you will too. See the 
years of survival not as a test-but a testimony, 
to a stubborn love born from generations of strong black, brown sisters –
Mothers who refused to give up, grandmothers who passed down 
more than recipes of arroz con polio, tandoori or fried chicken. 
Sisters, many sisters and aunts who held one another up, reached out a hand, shook us when we needed to wake up. 
My beautiful black, brown sister with your 
doubt, and your brokenness, and your dusty knees …
You are loved. 

How do we counter this? The studies show that derogation works with some people, sometimes. It’s the old “consider the source” tactic. If you can think derogatory things about the person or people thinking bad things about you and your identity, you do better. Constructive behavior works also, where you just put your head down and do an amazing job. Some people try denying their identity group, or its importance to them. 

So what is the take away from all of this? It’s natural to be a bit dimmed, a bit daunted and slowed down when you are worried about the stereotypes about one of your identities. When you see black and brown kids not doing as well at school, consider that one of the factors is this identity threat, that they pick up all kinds of subliminal cues about how teachers, administrators, other kids, and society at large “stories” about them. 

Hearing and seeing positives about your group helps a lot. If you’re a Black woman in a STEM field, lifting up Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson, the women who were calculators for NASA, whose work helped the US land on the moon. If you’re a Latinx kid, knowing about Latino scientists, journalists, authors and warriors can help. 

I don’t know if history erases the accomplishments of women and marginalized people on purpose, but it has a tremendous effect. The recent photograph of a black hole was taken in large part through an algorithm created by Dr. Katie Bouman. It only took the internet a day or two to notice that her contribution was downplayed, that she was an unnamed grad student in some stories, and that the right wing corner or the net began claiming that a white man in the lab was the one who really wrote the algorithm. He shut that down quickly. That’s an ally. 

Hold in mind the proud things about your identity. Know the proud things about other identities. The stories are strong. Tell all the stories, dig them up, hold them in your hands like smooth stones, reminding yourself of your strength and power. Then go shining. 


Most sermons during the past 19 years are available online through this website. Click on the index link below to find tables of all sermons for each year listed by date (newest to oldest) with topic and speaker. Click on a topic to go to that sermon.

SERMON INDEX

Podcasts of this and other sermons are also available for free on iTunes. You can find them by clicking on the podcast link below or copying and pasting this link. https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/first-unitarian-universalist/id372427776 

PODCASTS

If I needed you

Rev. Meg Barnhouse
April 7, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

Using the music of Townes Van Zandt, combined with the April Soul Matters theme of Wholeness, we will talk about how we need one another in order to be whole. How can we care for one another? Is there a way to be loving and challenging at the same time? How do we reach out with compassion? Is compassion always the best approach to another person? How much are we supposed to take care of ourselves and how much do we take care of others?


Call to Worship

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

Something should remind us once more that the great things in this universe are things that we never see. You walk out at night and look up at the beautiful stars as they bedeck the heavens like slinging lanterns of eternity and you think you can see all. Oh, no. You can never see the law of gravitation that holds them there. When I speak of love I’m not speaking of some sentimental and weak response. I am speaking of that force which all of the great religions have seen as the supreme unifying principle of love. Love is somehow the key that unlocks the door which leads to ultimate reality.

Reading

LITANY FOR PEACE (adapted)
Thich Nhat Hanh

“Let us be at peace with our bodies and our minds.
Let us return to ourselves and become wholly ourselves.
Let us be aware of the source of being,
common to us all and to all living things.
Evoking the presence of the Great Compassion,
let us fill our hearts with our own compassion-
towards ourselves and towards all living beings.
Let us pray that we ourselves cease to be
the cause of suffering to each other.
With humility, with awareness of the existence of life,
and of the suffering that are going on around us,
let us practice the establishment of peace in our hearts and on earth.”

Sermon

“Heart of Compassion” story

I wanted to use the music of Townes Van Zandt because I love his lyrics, and he’s a local man. Some of you probably knew him. Some have been sharing your stories about him this week. I don’t know him, though, just watched a documentary of his life, which was lovely and frustrating and sad to watch. “To live is to fly,” he wrote, “low and high.” He certainly did both. In the movie friends tell a story about him being at a party. I’m not sure I remember the details exactly, but they were on on the balcony of a place, pretty high off the ground. He sat on the balcony’s ledge, and then, he explained afterwards, he just wondered what it would feel like to fall, so he fell. Throwing himself at the experience of life. That looks like something he did over and over. It looks like he was one of those people who are both amazingly easy and hard to love. There is a story in our culture about genius, about artists, that the more brilliant they are, the more messed up they are. The picture of the writer banging away on the typewriter keys, a bottle of whiskey on the table, or the rock star barely about to stand up, trying to get to the gig… It’s almost as if our culture both loves and loves to punish artists. They get to ride with the muse, they get to live in a garret and stay up all night and be adored, and then their passion, their excesses, carry them swiftly toward their own destruction. If you live too long they make jokes about you, about how after the nuclear winter, there will just be cockroaches and Cher. They blame you for aging, for continuing to be passionate about making art long after you should have thrown it over for a more responsible job.

In the writings of my colleague James Ford, I came across this: He says “I found myself thinking of something Achaan Chah Subato, the great Theravandan meditation master once said about broken glasses. I have it framed and hanging on a wall in my office:

“One day some people came to the master and asked ‘How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness and death?’ The master held up a glass and said ‘Someone gave me this glass, and I really like this glass. It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it incredibly.'”

When I read some of Townes Van Zandt’s poetry I see someone beating their wings like a moth against this truth. Everything and everyone is already broken. It takes the Sages years of humility and meditation to come to a place where they can look this truth fully in its face and find the joy in it, in being absolutely present in every moment with the beauty that is also there. Can you enjoy a friendship if there is always the lurking danger of one of you doing something that will end it? Can you look back at a marriage that ended and see that it was good for a while? Can you love your children knowing all of the dangers that are around and within them? Most of us can block out the knowledge that security is an illusion, that pain and joy intertwine in life, that when you love, you open yourself up to loss. Poets and artists don’t have that ability. They might try to forget what they see using drugs or alcohol, but when the daylight comes they see it all over again, the bright sharp truth that can blind you with its urgent light and send you spinning. 

In the song “Rake,” Townes Van Zandt writes:

You look at me now, and don’t think I don’t know
What all your eyes are a sayin’
Does he want us to believe these ravings and lies
They’re just tricks that his brains been a playin’? 
A lover of women he can’t hardly stand
He trembles he’s bent and he’s broken
I’ve fallen it’s true but I say unto you
Hold your tongues until after I’ve spoken

I was takin’ my pride in the pleasures I’d known
I laughed and thought I’d be forgiven
But my laughter turned ’round eyes blazing and
Said my friend, we’re holdin’ a wedding
I buried my face but it spoke once again
The night to the day we’re a bindin’
And now the dark air is like fire on my skin
And even the moonlight is blinding

Sooner or later what you know in the day stays with you at night, and what you know and do in the night comes all into your day until you can’t pretend any more that they’re separate. What you know when you are conscious and awake stays with you even when you are in your chosen oblivion. Once you see the fragility of things you can’t unsee it. You have to love if you can, knowing that what you love can go away. And for a poet, you have to keep writing about it.

What is the proper response to this painful realization? Is it to say “Gracious, that’s depressing, let’s not talk about it?” That is what most of us tend to do. As we grow in our spirit, though, we can learn that the best response to the pain, the joy, and the impermanence of this life is to embrace it with a wild courage. To respond to the pain with compassion. For others and for ourselves.

The British writer Warsan Shire writes:

“later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered 
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.” 

I am a happy person by nature, even though I worked as a therapist for many years and held oceans of pain in my ears, my eyes and my heart. I want to hold an atlas in my hand, acknowledge what Dr. Shire saw, and add “Where is beauty and joy? Everywhere. Everywhere.”

In Townes Van Zandt’s song “If I needed you” both are there.

If I needed you would you come to me
Would you come to me for to ease my pain
If you needed me I would come to you
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain
Well the night’s forlorn and the morning’s born
And the morning shines with the lights of love
And you’ll miss sunrise if you close your eyes
And that would break my heart in two

How do we deal with a world of such impermanence? By being present to each moment, not wishing it away or clutching it to us. As the English poet Blake said 

“he who binds to himself a joy, doth the winged life destroy. But who kisses the joy as it flies lives in Eternity’s sunrise.” 

Being present to each moment, and having compassion for all beings. Now, this part feels wearying to me. All beings, really? Most of us survive by blocking out some of the horrors of the world, or acknowledging them but not dwelling on them. I remember the Buddha lived in a world without TV, much less the 24 hour news cycle. I take him to mean compassion for everyone you meet in your day. Still that’s wearying. Some people are hard to keep feeling compassion for, as their problems seem to be self-inflicted and they don’t seem to learn. An addicted friend is hard to stay compassionate towards. 

Then I remember. Oh, compassion doesn’t mean you have to fix it. You just feel for them in their struggle, if there’s no more to do for them. The Yogic teaching is helpful here. When you are acting with compassion toward someone for whom your compassion is not doing any good, and you are emptying yourself for someone who lets whatever you pour into them leak out, or when someone is just playing you, that is called “idiot compassion.” In this world things change fast. We try to stay present to the moment we’re in, compassionate to the people we’re with, and to ourselves. We learn as we go. 

As Townes wrote:

To live is to fly
Low and high
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes

Hardly anyone in this life is healthy enough or wealthy enough not to need other people. Some of us have strong ideas about the people we need, but we’re often wrong. Teachers, another learning experience. Compassion fatigue. Not for any of you all, but for the world. “Where does it hurt?” Everywhere.

Yes. And. There is joy and pleasure everywhere too. I’ve needed a lot of help in my life. I’ve given a lot of help in my life. I have to say I like giving it more.

IF I NEEDED YOU
Townes Van Zandt

If I needed you would you come to me
Would you come to me for to ease my pain
If you needed me I would come to you
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain
Well the night’s forlorn and the morning’s born
And the morning shines with the lights of love
And you’ll miss sunrise if you close your eyes
And that would break my heart in two
If I needed you would you come to me
Would you come to me for to ease my pain
If you needed me I would come to you
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain
Baby’s with me now since I showed her how
To lay her lilly hand in mine
Luke and Lil agree she’s a sight to see
A treasure for the poor to find
If I needed you would you come to me
Would you come to me for to ease my pain
If you needed me I would come to you
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain

We take care of each other to a certain extent, but not over certain boundaries. American Pema Chodron describes a conversation she had with an old man who was living on the streets for over four years. No one looks at him or talks to him. Sometimes someone gives him a little money, but no one really looks at him. No one asks how he is. It’s very lonely for him. People respond from discomfort, fear, anger, or judgment. According to Chodron, 

“Only in an open space where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.”

This openness is sometimes called emptiness in Buddhism. It means not shutting down or holding on too tightly When Things Fall Apart, 

I found myself thinking of something Achaan Chah Subato, the great Theravandan meditation master once said about broken glasses. I have it framed and hanging on a wall in my office:

“One day some people came to the master and asked ‘How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness and death?’ The master held up a glass and said ‘Someone gave me this glass, and I really like this glass. It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it incredibly.'”

The false view of being an artist meaning you have to be tortured and addicted.

RAKE
Townes Van Zandt

You look at me now, and don’t think I don’t know
What all your eyes are a sayin’
Does he want us to believe these ravings and lies
They’re just tricks that his brains been a playin’? 
A lover of women he can’t hardly stand
He trembles he’s bent and he’s broken
I’ve fallen it’s true but I say unto you
Hold your tongues until after I’ve spoken

I was takin’ my pride in the pleasures I’d known
I laughed and thought I’d be forgiven
But my laughter turned ’round eyes blazing and
Said my friend, we’re holdin’ a wedding
I buried my face but it spoke once again
The night to the day we’re a bindin’
And now the dark air is like fire on my skin
And even the moonlight is blinding

FLYIN SHOES
Townes Van Zandt

Days full of rain
Skys comin’ down again
I get so tired
Of these same old blues
Same old song
Baby, it won’t be long
‘fore I be tyin’ on
My flyin’ shoes
Flyin’ shoes
Till I be tyin’ on
My flyin’ shoes

Spring only sighed
Summer had to be satisfied
Fall is a feelin’ that I just can’t lose.
I’d like to stay
Maybe watch a winter day
Turn the green water
To white and blue
Flyin’ shoes
Flyin’ shoes
Till I be tyin’ on
My flyin’ shoes

The mountain moon
Forever sets too soon
Bein’ alone is all the hills can do
Alone and then
Her silver sails again
And they will follow
In their flyin’ shoes
Flyin’ shoes
They will follow in their
Flyin’ shoes

Days full of rain
Skys comin’ down again
I get so tired
Of the same old blues
Same old song
Baby, it won’t be long
Till I be tyin’ on
My flyin’ shoes
Flyin’ shoes
Till I be tyin’ on
My flyin’ shoes


Most sermons during the past 19 years are available online through this website. Click on the index link below to find tables of all sermons for each year listed by date (newest to oldest) with topic and speaker. Click on a topic to go to that sermon.

SERMON INDEX

Podcasts of this and other sermons are also available for free on iTunes. You can find them by clicking on the podcast link below or copying and pasting this link. https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/first-unitarian-universalist/id372427776 

PODCASTS

Spring Pre-Congregational Meeting – April 14, 2019

On April 14, 2019 at 11:45 a.m. in the Sanctuary, we will hold our spring pre-congregational meeting. At the pre-congregational meeting, we will walk through the attached agenda and materials for the actual congregational meeting but will not take any votes.  Materials for the meeting and the voting list are available in the copy/mail room at the church. As a reminder, according to our bylaws, a member can vote in a congregational meeting if they meet two requirements. They must have been a member for 30 days or more. And they must have (as an individual or part of a family unit) made a recorded financial contribution during the last 12 months and at least 30 days prior to the meeting at which they wish to vote. If you are not listed on the voting list and believe that you should be, please contact Shannon Posern, Congregational Administrator.

Click Here for a digital copy of the Pre-Congregational Meeting Agenda

Click Here for a digital copy of the Board and Nominating Committee Slate for 2019

Click Here for a digital copy of the Covenant of Healthy Relations and rules by which we lead our Pre-Congregational Meeting and Congregational Meeting.

We will be providing childcare during the meeting. Please RSVP to Childcare.

We look forward to seeing you at the meeting!

The Holiness of Wholeness

Rev. Chris Jimmerson
March 31, 2019
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org

How do we nurture our whole selves, especially those parts of ourselves that we may have been taught were no acceptable? How do we create communities and a society that are more whole?


Call to Worship

ALL OF YOU IS HOLY
Anonymous

Forget about enlightenment, 
Sit down wherever you are, 
and listen to the wind that is singing in your veins.

Feel the longing, the fear, the love in your bones.

Open your heart to who you are, right now, 
not who you’d like to be, 
not the saint you’re striving to become, 
but the being right here before you, inside you… All of you is holy. 

You’re already more and less 
Than whatever you can know.  
Breathe out, Look in, Let go.

Reading

WHOLENESS
Parker Palmer

If I am to let my life speak things I want to hear, … 
I must also let it speak things I do not want to hear and would never tell anyone else!

My life is not only about my strengths and virtues; 
it is also about my liabilities and my limits, my trespasses and my shadow. 

An inevitable, though often ignored, dimension of the quest for ‘wholeness’ is that we must embrace what we dislike or find shameful about ourselves as well as what we are confident and proud of.

Sermon

“Making the World Whole Again” Video

During the upcoming month, our Lifespan Faith Development ministries and religious education classes will be exploring the topic of “wholeness”. 

How do we become our whole selves? 

What are some ways we can bring wholeness to our relationships with those whom we love? 

How do we create wholeness and holiness within this, our beloved religious community? 

In our larger community? 

Our society? 

Our world? 

One of the things I loved about the video with which we started just now is how, among other things, it points toward one of the paradoxes we encounter when we start examining this idea of wholeness. 

In order to help make our communities and our world more whole, we must move toward wholeness ourselves as individuals. 

And yet, it can be so difficult to do that when our society and our world can seem so fragmented and tom apart sometimes. 

So our journey toward wholeness, by necessity, is both an individual trek and yet a passage that must also be done in relationship and community with others and our world. 

Now, it might help to take a moment to examine what we mean by wholeness or to become our whole selves. 

There were several quotes that I found reading the materials for this topic that might be helpful. 

“Happiness is just one part of our existence, wholeness is to embrace all that is within us. It’s to embrace our shadow qualities, to embrace our self-doubt, fear, anxiety, as well as the brightness, joy, and curiosity. It is all welcome”. 

That’s from Dan Putt, a consultant and entrepreneur who works with folks on developing the ability to take risks and embrace change. 

That quote, and the reading from Parker Palmer that Carol read for us earlier I think both remind us about an aspect of finding wholeness that can be difficult – embracing and accepting the parts of ourselves that we do not like as much; the things we are not as good at; the sides of ourselves that might make us feel vulnerable about being judged by others. 

Part of learning to be whole is loving even the parts of ourselves that we may not like or that cause us challenges sometimes. 

My parents divorced when I was twelve, and my mom ended up having to work more than full-time to make ends meet. As the oldest child in the family, that meant I often ended up caring for and to a degree parenting my younger sister and brother. 

Later, as I moved into adulthood, I started to recognize this pattern I could easily fall into of taking on the needs of others – parenting people who were themselves adults and could therefore take care of themselves. 

Family Systems Theory calls this “overfunctioning”, and it is something I have to monitor about myself even today. 

The thing is, that experience of helping to raise my brother and sister and all of the tendencies it created within me are a part of who I am now – the whole human being I have become up until now. 

And those tendencies are not necessarily entirely unhealthy or bad. For instance, I suspect that they are a part of why I have spent most of my adult life within the caring professions, which has been amazingly rewarding. 

Perhaps paradoxically again, embracing the wholeness of ourselves, including the areas on which we may want to do some work means first, we have to accept those areas in order to be able do that work, and second some aspects of our whole selves may be both sometimes problematic and sometimes beneficial. In some instances, wholeness is not either/or. 

Unless you’re a narcissistic psychopath, in which case you don’t get to go “oh, that’s just part of who I am.” 

Anyway, author and editor for the spiritual series “On Being”, Kristin Lynn says “Wholeness is never lost, it is only forgotten.” 

What a wonderful way to think about wholeness, and one that I think leads us to some other ways in which our sense of wholeness can be challenged. 

Inevitably in life, we face loss and sorrow. Inevitably, we will encounter the judgements and prejudices of others.Inevitably, we will run up against constraints that cultural and societal norms place upon the expression of our full and whole selves. 

When we lose a person or even a creature that we love, a job, a physical or mental ability, it can feel like our wholeness has also been lost. 

I remember after my stepfather, Ty, died, my mom saying that it felt like a part of her was missing. It felt that way to me too, and I remembered feeling that same way after other times of loss. 

The thing is, we so often would not give up one moment of our relationships with those we loved and have lost. We carry them with us. They and our loss of them become part of the whole person we now are. 

Parker Palmer says it like this 

“We all know people who’ve suffered the loss of an important person in their lives. 

At first, they disappear into grief, certain that life will never again be worth living. 

But, through some sort of spiritual alchemy, they eventually emerge to find that their hearts have grown larger and more compassionate. 

They have developed a greater capacity to take in others’ sorrows and joys, not in spite of their loss but because of it. 

Suffering breaks our hearts – but there are two quite different ways for the heart to break. 

There’s the brittle heart that breaks apart into a thousand shards, a heart that takes us down as it explodes and is sometimes thrown like a grenade at the source of its pain. 

Then there’s the supple heart, the one that breaks open, not apart, growing into greater capacity for the many forms of love. 

Only the supple heart can hold suffering in a way that opens to new life.”

The supple heart allows us to find wholeness. 

Similarly, when we experience the loss of physical or mental abilities we once had, it can feel like we are less than whole. 

I went through this when I was temporarily disabled by an impacted nerve in my neck a while back. It did feel like a loss. I’m fortunate that it eventually got resolved, so I never had to reach acceptance and find a new sense of wholeness for myself. 

I have a friend who was born with a condition that left her physically disabled in a number of ways. She says that her journey toward wholeness has involved unlearning the many ways in which other people and societal systems labeled her as and made her feel incomplete. 

And far too many of us have felt limits imposed upon us, barriers to becoming our whole selves because of gender role stereotypes and restrictive gender binaries, because of our race or ethnicity or religious beliefs (or lack there of) or our sexuality or our gender identity (or lack there of) and on and on and on. 

I’ll talk a little more about this in a moment, but for now I want to note that even the scars we bear from our losses, as well as those we may bear from fighting to become our full, whole selves even up against oppression and restrictive mores – they too, these scars are a part of who we are now – the whole person we have become. 

Many of you are probably aware of Kintsugi (Kin Sugi), the Japanese art that provides a beautiful metaphor for what I am trying to express, but here is a short video that explains it better than I likely could. 

Kintsugi video

Here is another quote related to all of this that I loved, from a UU named Paula Goldade 

“As a Unitarian Universalist, I have come to see that universal salvation is not just for all of us but for all of me. There is no crevice inside of me that love cannot touch.” 

Now, so far, I have been concentrating mainly on how we become whole as individuals, but I want to return to this idea that we also must be in relationship to find wholeness. We must work to create wholeness in our communities and our worlds to know wholeness for ourselves. 

Here is one more quote that I loved, from our own Unitarian Universalist minister, Rev. Anya Sammler-Michael 

“We don’t really know our own wholeness until we see the wholeness of another or work to serve wholeness in our world. Wholeness, a sense of our own fullness, a spiritual realization of our own strength and beauty, is given when we give of ourselves… We heal our own aches by healing the aches in others. We put back the pieces of our own souls by helping others redeem their own wholeness.”

I think she is so spot on there, and I also think that this has implications for the work we are called to do in our world to build the beloved community. 

My friends, I believe that we, none of us nor our communities or our society – we can never be whole while black lives are still so far too frequently being extinguished and destroyed. 

We cannot ever be whole when people are still being forced to proclaim that their lives do matter. 

Black Lives Matter. 

They do matter. 

And we can never be whole when brown and queer bodies are treated as if they are of little significance; when indigenous peoples are treated as expendable; when female and nonbinary gender identities are treated as “less than:”; when entire cultures and religious expressions are demeaned. 

We need all of humanity’s beautiful variations to be fully realized and embraced for all of humanity to become whole. 

It seems like you can hardly ever attend one of my sermons these days without also hearing from author and researcher Brene Brown, my personal guru and diva. 

I want to share with you a short video from Brown, because I think she has identified a root cause of what lies at our lack of feeling whole sometimes and then bringing and perpetuating that unwholesomeness and unholiness in our world. 

She says it has to do with how we are constantly receiving messages that make us feel we can never be enough. And this, in turn, undermines our feelings of belonging and worthiness. 

She says that to counter this, we have to be willing to be vulnerable and to live in a way that she calls “wholeheartedly”. 

But maybe I should shut up and let her speak for herself.

Brown video

Unitarian Universalist have seven principals that we affirm and promote and the first of those says that we affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every person. 

I wonder sometimes though if whether we affirm that for and about our self. 

My beloveds, you are worthy. 

You have inherent dignity. 

You are capable of knowing and becoming the whole person you were born and are called to be. 

And by doing that – each of us individually and yet also together – by doing that, we may yet bring more wholeness and holiness into our world. 

And hallelujah to wholeness and holiness! 


Most sermons during the past 19 years are available online through this website. Click on the index link below to find tables of all sermons for each year listed by date (newest to oldest) with topic and speaker. Click on a topic to go to that sermon.

SERMON INDEX

Podcasts of this and other sermons are also available for free on iTunes. You can find them by clicking on the podcast link below or copying and pasting this link. https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/first-unitarian-universalist/id372427776 

PODCASTS