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Rev. Jonalu Johnstone
March 12, 2023
First UU Church of Austin
4700 Grover Ave., Austin, TX 78756
www.austinuu.org
We human beings have real limits that can make us vulnerable. Accepting what we can’t do allows us to ask for help and connect more deeply in community. Difficult idea, but let’s have fun with it.
Chalice Lighting
This is the flame we hold in our hearts as we strive for justice for everyone. This is the light we shine upon systems of oppression until they are no more. This is the warmth that we share with one another as our struggle becomes our salvation.
Call to Worship
BOOK OF LIFE
roddy bell-shelton biggs (they/them)Open the book of life what do you see as you flip through the pages soaking it all up Where is the joy, the pain, the hope, the loss, the love? Now close it tight, place your hand over your heart, and Pause … Then open the book of life again …. Pause once more …. remember beloved be vulnerable and Begin Again In Love. Come let us worship together.
Affirming Our Mission
Together we nourish souls, transform lives, and do justice to build the Beloved Community.
Meditation
A LITANY OF WHOLEHEARTEDNESS
By Dawn Skjei CooleyBecause there have been times when shame has crushed our ability to be wholehearted
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.Because we have not always had the courage to be imperfect
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.Because we have struggled to have compassion for ourselves or others.
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.Because we have been afraid of our own vulnerability
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.Because we are sometimes too scared to live authentically
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.Because we want to be whole-hearted people, confident in our worthiness and our belonging
We let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are.
Reading
ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF LIMITATIONS
By Burton D. CarleyI wonder if the river ever despairs of its downward destiny,
and harbors a secret desire to flow uphill.I wonder if winter yearns to be summer,
or if a flower wishes it could bloom out of season.I wonder if silence would like to shout,
or if the sky wants to fall down and become the earth.I wonder if the bird longs to become a rabbit,
or if the fish ever dreams of walking on the land.I wonder if the mountains envy the valleys,
or if snow secretly covets the warmth of June.I wonder if the moon complains that is it not the sun,
or if the stars envy the earth.I wonder if rain prefers a cloudless sky,
or if grass tires of green and hopes for blue.I wonder if spring really likes growing,
or if fall rages against its colorful dying.I wonder if the world ever sighs after more than it is like you and I,
like you and I.o Spirit of life, we struggle against our limitations. Teach us to accept them.
Amen.
Sermon
WHAT IF YOU CAN’T?
In our optimistic UU way, we like to say you can do anything you set your mind to. It’s not always true. There are some things you can’t do.
Let’s watch a short video about what our bodies can’t do. [VIDEO]
All this is kind of fun – to see what we can do, to see how our bodies are limited. Other stuff we can’t do is not so much fun. And admitting some of those falls into that category of vulnerability – our theme for the month.
Confession time. In my freshman year of college, I failed four classes. Calculus, Philosophy, Organic Chemistry, and I think some kind of history — I can’t even remember. Probably because I didn’t go to the class often enough. This is going to be a bit of an interaction sermon. I’m going to ask for your confessions, as well. Totally voluntary, of course. I’m going to ask you to stand up or wave your arm overhead if you can agree with this statement:
I tried something and failed.
Look around. It helps not to feel alone in that, doesn’t it?
What would it be like to own up to what you have failed at? You don’t have to do it; I’m just asking.
Does it make you feel uneasy? A little queasiness in the pit of your stomach? Do you want to present it as funny so that it doesn’t hurt so much? I do. It’s hard to acknowledge our failures.
I could give you a whole list of ways I’ve fallen short-I didn’t learn to ride a bicycle until I was 10, because I gave up when I was 6 or 7, and so did my parents. I got a D in Driver’s Ed. I have such a poor sense of direction that pre-GPS, I got lost going to many important occasions – a wedding rehearsal, a funeral, the airport. Not to mention being lost in the wilderness, which I have also done. I have fallen down a rock face while rock climbing – not fun. I have fallen and broken bones. I have failed tests, job interviews, event organizing. I have had manuscripts rejected, missed deadlines, lost money on stupid decisions. I have failed to reach goals I set. So many bad memories …
Yet, I am also glad I have had failure as part of my life. It has made me less afraid to try things, because I know that if I fail, if I can’t do it, I’ll live through it, probably. Failure has made me vulnerable, which I really needed to learn because I prefer to present myself as perfect. Failure has taught me what works by teaching me what doesn’t work — and introduced me to my limitations. Failure has helped me learn to ask for help.
It is true that for some people asking for help or being vulnerable may have a higher cost. You may need to be more cautious about who you ask for help, or when you open yourself vulnerably. That’s all real, based in part on the identities we carry in this world and in how we process feelings. So, I’m not saying everyone needs to confess all their failings. There are certainly some I will keep to myself.
But I want to challenge you – if you’re willing – to a little bit of vulnerability around what you can and cannot do.
So, I invite you to stand or wave your arms if you can agree to some statements:
I can’t reach the top shelf without standing on something. I can’t walk as far or run as fast as I used to.
I can’t drive.
I can’t stay organized.
I can’t get up early in the morning.
I can’t dance.
I can’t get along with some people in my family. I can’t always tell what I’m feeling.
I can’t always handle everything.
Some things we can’t do are easy to admit, and others are a lot harder. Almost all of them, though, are things that other people have struggled with, too.
That’s why people gather around their failures and frailties. Reasons that there are l2-Step groups to help people cope with the challenges of alcoholism and other addictions. Reasons for grief groups. Reasons for parent support groups.
We need one another at a deep and profound level. We need to see others dealing with what is confronting us and see the successes and failures so we have some idea what we might be able to do.
Here’s another statement that I invite you to stand or wave your arm if you agree:
It’s hard for me to ask for help.
So you’re not alone. Here’s another one. I try to help when someone asks.
There’s a little disconnect here. Most of us are fine with helping out, and a lot of us find it hard to ask. Some of the fault lies in lies we have been told, well-meaning lies, but lies nonetheless.
Our culture is individualistic. Many people expect themselves and others to pull themselves up by their bootstraps – whatever that means. The phrase originally meant that what was asked for was impossible. No one can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Their bootstraps are near the ground, not up. It was sarcasm, folks, not wisdom. You can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps. No one else can, either.
The individualism of our culture has hurt us more than helped us. And our religion – Unitarian Universalism – has fed into it. The picturesque cabin Thoreau built at Walden Pond. Emerson’s essay on “Self-Reliance.” The long lists of individual Unitarians, Universalists, and Unitarian Universalists who have achieved so much. The lie is that they did it alone. In every case they had help. Thoreau was close to town and had plenty of support. Emerson had whole crowds of admirers and coconspirators. Even if someone’s work has been done alone, they built on ideas, education, resources that they have gained from somewhere. As John Dunne told us, “No man is an island.” Neither is any woman or transgender person. No one is an island.
Maybe, then, we need some help in asking for help. Here are some useful phrases. Repeat after me:
“Could you please help me?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Here’s what I need.”
A lot of times it can be useful to tell someone why we need help and exactly what we need. And sometimes, all we can do is to say, “Help!” And here’s the amazing thing! We don’t have to wait until we are desperate to ask for help. Maybe, you could ask someone to come with you when you go shopping for clothes to help pick out something that looks good on you. Or you could ask for someone to help you walk the dog. Or to study together. Practicing in those small situations might even help us ask for help in those harder situations, where we are a little more desperate. And maybe can’t even name what we need.
Take a moment and think of who you could ask for help.
You might think of a particular situation where you might need help – if you broke something, if you were sick, if you were sad and needed someone to talk to, if you didn’t understand what something meant. Try to come up with 5 people you could ask for help, maybe different people for different situations. [Pause, at least 30 seconds.] Now, find someone else near you and share with them your 5 people (their name or their roleteacher or boss, for example) who you could ask for help.
You’ve heard of the “The Little Engine that Could” that train engine that huffed and puffed its way up the hill. A pastor named Julian DeShazier wrote an article about church and ministers called, “The Little Engine that Needed Collaborators.” His point was about overfunctioning clergy, and the need for everyone in the church to share the load. The point has a broader application, though.
Similarly, as a volunteer working with a woman’s group many years ago, I had a supervisor who always sent a pair of us to do any task – some pretty hard tasks, pounding in stakes, clearing fields, greasing wheelchair lifts. She used to say, “One woman can’t do anything. Two women can do anything.” And while it might be possible for one woman to do something, I’ve learned that often it’s a lot more fun and a heck of a lot easier if there are two – or more – working on it.
We need one another, especially when we can’t do it alone.
Benediction
Go in peace, knowing that every imperfection, every failure, every vulnerability is part of you. Love every bit of yourself so that you can be loved completely by others. And when you need others, please ask for their help. Because we are only whole as a community when our interactions and relationships make us so.
Amen. Ase. Blessed Be.
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